Today was my First day NDP Dikir Barat training...
AFter all.. im kind of excited...
Well when i we was practising.. my fren pointed me "Was that guy on the stage is Raden?"... Well im just not sure.. coz i got cock eye.. i cant regconised ppl easily.. and when ppl calling him Hamdan.. my fren pretty sure it was him.. well he was my fren God bro b4..
And now when i was practising.. and lookin at him..i think it pretty sure it was him.... when i talk about this guy u must be wondering who and what this guy got to do with me??...
This story happenned 1 yr past...
Well my fren herself introduce heim to me.. in msn..
and after awhile we kind a close..
And till one day he wanted something special in our frenship..
He confessed to me he love me.. and wanted to be with me..
But at that moment my heart was tight to a guy whch i love him..
So this guy wanted me to give him a answer.. and he really sad and keep asking me. wat so special in that guy that till i cant give him the placed.. Is not i cant.. but the guy i love was strong in my heart that time.. and im not a hypocrite.. while attached my heart was still on other guy.. and in fact i dont want to hurt his feeling.. After all i dont mean to hurt his feeling.. if i have that opportunity i wld give it all to him(raden)...
And i remmber the night he waited for my answer...
I was with my fren.. and he msg me.. something sound like this.. " Will u accept me??".. and i know my answer was a NO.. actually i wanted to know whether the guy i ws having heart on him will he give any same feeling back to me.. coz we have so called a chrismtries.. but then He(Raden) was so impatient.. i all stressed up and give up on both of this guys.. coz i need time to get it all straight and not a regretable answer.. after all happened.. i rmberd im changed..
IM changed to be a unregconised gal... im the heartless gal when i was that moment.. i nvr tried to understand ppl feeling..
but then.. he really wanted to help me.. even though he say its ok if u cant accept me.. but atleast let me help u to changed old u.. to the old Nana i know.. i ws so heartless.. i nvr give him that chances to help me.. and i rmmbred i mit him for first and last time.. he wanted to talk to me and wanted to spend his time the whole day with me n we escaped from classes... but then i disagreed..After a while he follow mine decisions for disagreed miting him.. but after awhile i decided to mit up.. but this time he dont want.. i try my best cheer him so he will mit me.. and i told him ok.. lets mit tmw.. and see whether i can bring the old Nana back..i tried( actually i wanted to look at his face to face, so that from the eye i can see whether he really being true or lieing),we set time and place then...
We mit.. and i walk a further distance frm him..then he hugs me,. from the back,.. and say.. "u pls i wont leave u".. im kind of short so its easy for him to hug..
Then we go Macdonald and talk.. he keep trying to help.. as i say i was so heartless.. then i told him i wanted to go to sch.. adn he keep holding me back.. n he grabbed my hand not to letting me go...and i keep pulling tis off him.. till i say this.. " i tak nak tgk muker u agik!"(i dont want to see ur face again!).. then he shock and asked.. "btl u tak nak tgk muker i agik?"(really? u dont want to see my face again?).. and i wasn't look to him and i say.. "yes.."even though i know i did that i wasnt look at his faced..
Iknow i was a cruel isint it?!.. but as i say i was cruel i cant think clearly.. and then he still begging.. i know im sad.. but that time i m heartless gal.. then he sing me a song.. song called "Farhanah" as we waiting for my bus to come.. then i say if u read the lyrics clearly of the song its like (farhanah)she was a bustard.. at that time i wasn't aware wat i was saying.. As my bus reached.. he still like insisting me go...but i leave him.. as he standing at the side, i can see with a heart broken feeling conquered him..
I look at him all the way and he where he was till i algined in the bus he was standing there till my bus driving out frm the interchnge.. he do msg me... and say "im lied about brging old me back..." and all sad msges.. .. till i didn't reply him the last msg..
He wanted me to deleted the song that he give me is cold.. "Pelangi Petang" whch my fav song.. and he also say he deletd my pics... and from that moment.. we forget each other already..
"Pelangi Petang" the song while we hearing together over the phone.. Then i remmberd i keep denying that the song starting was a girl.. and he keep cpnvinving me its was a guy in Malay translation i talked to him " U part nie yg nyanyi cam pompan jer u.." Raden reply " Taklah its guy lah syg"...that the part i cant forget..
But when it all past suddenly this what im feel.. i feel im HEARTLESS!!!!.. i don't even spare any chances to him... wat kind of gal im ... and now.. i feel so guilty and sad.. and dissappointed to myself....
Then kind of recently i unblocked him frm my msn.. and i begged for his apology..and he did accept my apologys... what i can say the way he chat with me kind of harsh... he changed his toned towards me.. but i dont blame him.. coz its my fault...
and i told him everything that im feeling guilty..and he forgive me.. he say he already forget it all.. hmm but now.. its effected to me.. as life have to go on... that the story...
Remember Past doesnt mean it only stay there.. but its will effected your future..so do a right decisions for yourself and ppl arnd you.. coz Your Life are effecting thiers if your decisions got to do with them..
Nana...
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