My last day in 2008... i going to miss u

ello

After the watch strike 12am.. tit was going the last day of yr 2008...

For me i wont forget this memoriable year.., i wont forget my this year ITE 1st life.. and after tmw ends its was end to my Ite chapter of life.. why was time run too fast!..Im going to miss this year so much.. ti was because this where i was challenge with alots of consequnces decision.. But I make it thru here.. i hope next year wld be another memoriable year.,

Now i hope i will found my life partner.. which going will love me.., and together we will be serious in it.. I have to let the guy that i secretly loved go off my hands.. even though i loved him deep inside i have to let him go.. he nobodys.. he just someone that was dark in me that used to make my smiles on.. haix.., but i have great time with all of my frens, Lin Han. Lin Bin,Wei Chein,Safri ,Edwin and statish.. this ppl have together spent my time.. and my others classmates..., theres alot that we goin and faced together.. and the firts time we met is still freshed in my mind.. haix.. but i gue ed now it over..


To my friends..Thx for spending those wonderful moments with me.. and for those that we dont get the opportunity to get know.. i do hope we will get closed in the future.. hmm


Best Wishes

I wish i wld be happy with all the people that make me happy.. i wish they wld not leave me alone.. i wish i wld get to find my true loved... and i hope for world peace.. i hope every one wld have a great yr for next yr... I also do hope my life wld be more cheerful with happy ppl surrounded me.. and hope all ppl have long-live,happy with their love ones..and have good health.. hmm i goignt o missed 2008.. =(...

NANA

Dedicated to all... Im sowie...im such a idoit. i admit..

ello..

Im sorry for wat im have done.. now im lost .. i know maybe at this stage ppl might pissed off with me.. haix... if u also pissed out with me.. i begged please dont leave me.. i really lost in my oneself.. ppl migt c im norm.. but if u read certain in my blog.. u will know y..., its not i wantd to be this way.. but it hard.. I wanted to shared with ppl.. but i dont want later they sick and tired of hearing the prob im facing.. I dont mean to hurt anyone..

What i feel is i lost my smile and my happiness my old me.. ppl mgt c im norm.. but only i know tat im not me that used to be.. i wanted to get out frm here.. from the darkest nightmare im here... Wat im want is.. pls bring the brightnest of happiness in me.. pls.. i beg.. i sad over lost a fren that used to shared his smile or happiness abt his life.. and now i cldnt afford anymore.. ppl keep jealous wif me abt thing abt i being close to my fren whch i close to is their love ones.. I cant afford to faced all this anymore!!!..and the most i cant bear its keep repeating!!!.. feeling like running.. this the reason y i cant be old me arites.. bcozz my happineess wif my fren have been given to them ... It was so not unfair to me... i lost them to scarifice my fren happiness.. I cant hardly smile anymore.. my brain cant stop thinking of this and my changes!!!!.. ARRRHHHH!!! MAKE THIS ALL STOP!!!!!!!! >> ITS HURTING MY BRAIN!!!!!

PPL if u dun hear my scream,.. its bcoz im screamming in me.. in mE!!!!!!...

I need to u to understand that i was with ur love ones is bcoz i just wnated to help them with their problems and i wanted to c thier happiness wif u and for our frenship that its.. when my fren r happy.. means Thats make me happy by sharing abit of it.. But all of u are selfish!!!!!!!.. u dun let even wanted to shred abit of ur happiness wif me.... I KNOW I CAN CHOOSE TO LET THIS THINGS AWAY OFF MY MIND>> BUT WHY I CHOOSE TO THINKS OF IT>> BECOZ IF I FORGET ABT THIS MEANS I can forget abt my happiness and my life.. that the reason y im being this ways.. i cant leave this way when i surpposed to make ppl happy but its seem im the cause of their rotten relationship.. ITs happen in a row non-stop.. maybe the first time i cld stop thinking.. but as it contd i cant!!!!!... i feel like leaving all of it with their love ones... but most ppl are stopping me from doing it.. i cant bear looking at them and beg for me not to go.. but my heart was like being caned!!..

Lastly Im sorry friend.. this y im being this way.. its going to hunt me till the end if it nvr stop.. I dun mean this not to be shared.. but when i wanted to say i just forget when the words at the tips of my mouth that going to speak just gone.. I m sowwie..

Nana,..

I really hope u understand i dun want to be this way..

tc,,
NANA

In seconds i m was lost..

ello.. haix..



hmm i was on9 wif a guy that i add in my msn.. but we rarely tok.. n now.. we get to know each other ,..... well i got certain info abt him.. n he told me he got two licensed motor and car....

So he asked whether tmw im goin out.. so i say i am... whch im not.. he said he wanted to accompany me me.. and wnated to abrg me for a ride at his motorbikes too.. then he even also asked me go drink and smoke along with him.. like give a try together... i feel like wanted to.. coz nvr ever ppl asked me go drink b4.. and this like first time.. And he also a first time so it like we experiened it together.. haix.. but my friend find out ... i not intentionly tell my friend.... and that person goes really mad at me.. now i sacred if that person and others going to scold me.. haix.. and that guy was also said he give me a treat on the drinks.. but then after i realsie.. my fren told me if u rmmber ur other closed fren u better dun do it.. and i also told the guy i dun want go drink with him.. and he like asking me to go with him.. but then i realise My fren is the more important.. n this new person i meet shld not be easily be trusted.. haix.... its ok then.. i think even though now i like alone.. it better i be alone.. bcoz ppl arh bz lately and i cant alwaes depend on them.... Im realli sowie.. butno worries i wont go drink wif him.. i said i dun want dtrongly.. i realise if i do that the thing im destrying is myself and my relationship life.. haix..



IM SOWIE PLS DONT LET ME ALONE....



nana

Old me is better.. new me is so sucks!..

haix!!!!!...

I feel so sad.. i was on9 wif my juior JK.. i cant bare to hear that he said he missed me.. and wanting for me to turn back to secondary sch.. haix.. i miss him cause hes my only friend in my band.. i miss my clarinet SO MUCH!!!!.....

My Life seem hard!! im losting my band which so precious in my heart.. now it making me turn back to my old path,... Band i missed u.. i missed my junior ... i will turn back .. i will buy new clarinet if i cld.. I loves music.. i guessed the past have teaches so many things and they have make me a strong me now here..

but now i guessed strong me have turn me to a wilder way to be stronger.. but i changed to different directions!... i turns to a black wild hearts... theres no nid to say much.. but i nid to turn back to old NOR FARHANAH BINTE ABD RASHID and old NANA.. not now me..

haix... missing my ways.. lost my directions.. yearning my loves...
nana

PART I & PART II of Nana

ello..
i know this kind of long.. but its all true arites.. lately its wat i feel..

PART I: WHY M I BEING THIS WAY

What the meaning of me here..Sick and tired of being unappreciated!.. Its better im off this way, there no use of me standing here... wat for??... When i feel unappreciated at all... I feel its better im off this way... REally 2 Sick and tired of unappreciated.. =( When im standing here and look at the city...My heart just feel the greatness of loneliness that standing straight... I just a loner, No one know what im going thru..Even though i share wat the used?!... i can feel that im becoming bad gal!!!!... Nw feelin like wantd to go d..... N tat it just be bad, Whats the point being good n u r not feet appreciated, its better i be bad, atleast i know no one care,there so dark heart in me till i cant pull old me back... i m so heartless!!..

Haix... I go thru alot of sadness n cryness, i guess its time for me to goes deeper changes!.. i guess no one cld help me now!.. i was drown alone in my black heart.. i cant cry anymore, there no more tears left in me.. if i got back.. that all the coz of a black heart in me.. if i had to change old me, theres alot of path that i have f gone thru , but i guess it, juz impossible... old me f gone.. im change damn far!..

From Silient of me and cheerful.. till the lost in me that too far for me to turn back..Even i turn down on many ppl... i wont balme them for ignoring me bcoz whu can tolerate a person like me?.. I can feel a wind is accompany by my side whenever or whatever im at!... Haix, there nothing cld be done as it alredi fate.. All euphoria(happiness) in me have gone.. and old nana have gone for good.. IM NOT EMO!, but its all true.. When im in the city i feel that im smaller than any other else...


PART II: Over me again??!!!
ello..

from bad to...

Even Worsed!.. when my closed fren Sufian have quarrel with his GF over me!!...

I cant get it why does ppl alwaes jealous of me?.. it was a wrong if i be closed to my friend that already got theirselve a stead?... If NOT!!.. WHY... WHY... WHY!!!!.... , why must they quarrel over me?... I tiring to be nice and help ppl that needs me.. and when i help them.. i was the one at risk!!!... PPL pls understand i got NO MORE Friends.. who r there.. they r the one i have.. i cant stand it anymore.. when ppl quarrell in their relationship is over me!!!... I can feel instead of being a helper.. i can feel that i bcoming a relationship rottener!!!!... I have faced this not onlly with this fren but several already... Haix.. God If this keep happening.. i guess i have to fuck off from everybody lifes!!, i will be alone... and let me contd new my life alone without frens... i cant stand all this.. im happi to see my fren happy in their relationship and i just wanted abit of thier smile of happiness to be shared with me.. if i the coz or their sadness it better i don't be here anymore.... I m sorry friends.. i been crying and tired to look for other way for solution.. but i guess maybe i will go on with being alone.. if there no way out for me... Now i guess no one can help me after all.. I prefer being alone searching myself my own happiness... I know my life alone wld be a horrible thing its just like i surrender myself to the wild..

Nana

aka

black heart!