Moved on , and moved on.. Be strong.. U will find ur light..

I hope this time round.. im really gonna be strong.. coz i really hoped this time round that i've really2 MOVED ON...

Enough for almost 2years i've been feeling worst of mylife, its time for me to go on with a widely smile on my face..The smile that shows im really2 alright, not a fake smile that to hides those tears i've been keepin inside..

I will missed those memories that i've been thru, however im thankin God for the challenges he bring in me and thankin Him for making me understand and feel that Love not always about holding on, but its also about letting go.. I admit i been enduring the pain that keep hurting and tries to healed at the same time, those pain making me feel so weak.. but as it been healing i've feel so much stronger..n i do hope it stay strong so i cld moved on..

I've to Esplanade yesterday afternoon, i go to City Hall, to relax and calm my mind.. i try to recalled everythg, surprisingly my tears not dropping for like the first time.. coz each time when i recalled my past.. i wld tears and fall.. but its hard for now.. im gald it that way.. i hope i wld be strong.. and faced my life.. i know im strong.. i can make all this..Thank the Mighty God!.. Without his guidance i wldnt be this strong...

and now i heading to positive side of life.. i do hopes God gonna still guide me.. and show me His Ways... =)

Moving on is hard.. its takes ur whole time and lifes to forget and get tough.. nobody cld understand u, how u cld understand urself, You cant rely on others to give u positive support.. u need urself to get up and stand.. ppl cant help u, if u dont help urself.. doesnt matter if u have to changed, bt hope in the end u do get the right way out.. do pray hard from God.. He will shows u the light, Only He know its..

Be strong.. and i hope i wld be strong and moved on.. Let smile conquer my life with ppl that i loved.. =)

Im holding my future, coz the past with u still hunting me..

I still can't accept the facts abt us.., i thought i was strong enough to get rid of u, but its opposite, u are too strong for me to get rid of..

Its been 2years past.. I can't believe it, from a instant get to know, we actually been this far.. We might be closed.. however there still boundaries between us.. , the boundaries that can''t be explained.. however i believed u remember everything that happened between us.. it might be just a memories for u.. but its more than just a memories for me..

I tried everything to get rid of u.. despite i tried many times to keep myself away n forgetting abt us.. but i guess God still wanted us to be together..

I want u out from my life. but at the same time, i don't want u to leave.. i don't know what i want.. im so confused!

On 28 July 2010..
AT bugis.. we met.. i requests we met on that day,since im not going for Teakwondo Practices... I meet him after walking around with my Classmate Liyana..Since she have to leave at 6pm, I decided to text him, if he wld want to meet me.. He agreed.. Around 6pm Liyana have to leave n i meet him..So we head to City Hall, so we walked from Bugis to City Hall.. While we walked he asked "Why u wanted to meet me so sudden?" , i said.." I thought u said in your messages u wanted to spent more time with me." then he silent.. coza in my mind was only him..

WE when to Esplanade, we sat and talked.. after awhile he hungry.. so we decided to go dinner.. , we have our dinner at KFC @ Marina Square.. AFter dinner we walked around Marina Square Mall and we when some place quiet that kinda a little peace.. We have so much laugh, and jokes together.. while laughing actually deep inside me was crying.. Its just that we have great time.. we like so closed.. but everything stops just bcoz of ours boundaries.., while i was with him.. on his lap, while he hugging me.. I look to the stars and said to him.. and what i was saying is so random.. not even in my thought.. i said..(in MAlay) " Kalau i takder, u cari kawan lain kay?." He said " U tak nak umpe i lagik?" n i repeat the same questions again.. he silent.. i said.." Kalau i takder u cari kawan lain.. selain i.." then he hug me tight.. as if he don't want to let me go,.. maybe i hurt him with my words.. but i feel that night its so beautiful, coz its the same feeling when we first met each other.. However that gonna be unforgettable night for me..

As we take our move to train at City Hall, i shake hand with him.. but while i shake his hand he was like wanted me to kiss his hand.., but i didnt..

As we gone separate ways to different escalators he look at me and smiled..
That end to our meet that time..

I cant stop thinking.. why does this boundaries have to be between us?.., Its hard to explained.. If said.. people wont undertsnd, and they will definitely blamed me.. if only they know how i felt and how hard i tried not to be blamed at..

There no explanations can be done.. The pictures of fun moments we had gonna always hunt me.. But i guess God fated everything for us.. land i just hope there gonna be a reasons why all this happened between u and me..

Our friendship just like the skyline.. when it was under construction till it fully done now.. we are here together..

Hmm, hope there gonna be a good reasons why things happened this way...

I miss that "Patrick & Spongebob"..hmm =(

I miss My Spongebob and Patrick badly... i think my hard-work to bring them back as one not gonna come true after all.. The Spongebob (Bob) and Patrick (Pat) i been referring to is my classmate in 2008.. the two clown guys.. now they been quarrel over a matter regarding something..

When on 3rd Feb when we having our graduations Pat says " CNY is nearing make an outing?".. then Bob thoughts that Pat wants we plan.. and blah3.. its longs story .. and i barely remembered them..but for sure this where problem come from.. For what i know i have been put in charged for the planning for the outing..

Start due to commenting in Facebook of Pat Girlfriend profile.., the whole thing then pop up.. i try to explain to Pat that Its just a misunderstood cause "Bob mad at Pat cause he himself was not contactable on the day before the outing to confirm whether he going or not?,and Bob don't really mean anything for saying something at fb.."

Bob just a little misunderstood with Pat gf thought of her didn't convey his messages to Pat,cause bob have been contacting Pat thru her.., and i go contact both of them and try to sort things out..

i contact one of the clan at first,asked if she could helped by talking to Pat Gf.. then she gave Pat Gf number, and i explain to her.. cause i having difficulties to contact Pat,and i wanna say it just a misunderstood..Pat Gf helped and told Pat to contact me later on at night..And finally i get to talk to Pat at that night,n i explain.but Pat says "he mad at Bob when in the comment he said Bob kinda a bit rough on his words and the way he sent messages to Pat Gf .."

That where things get continued when third party from Pat side comment.. and blah3..haix..

Hope they get each other mistakes.. but still wondering how will i know that things really fine or not?.. hmm just wait?.. hmm.. but then we (Pat gf and me) wish things may be ok.. but i don't know will things be alright..

I still hoping.. i missed them badly.. haix.. but then who cares about my feeling over here... i m just nothing to them probably.. hm its ok if they refused, i can't forced them to.. but i really missed them.. even though i aware they won't be reading this.. i really loved them as a friends, same goes with others, i don't wish to see the clan go down in the drain due to small things like this. i wish this clan would stay alive forever... but then again which friendship didn't go wrong right?.. hmm i feel so disappointed with them..cause ain't one wanna give in and forgive and forget.. hmm.

hopefully one day things will get better between them..

Nana
=(

R u ready?.. Here its comes...

18th Feb was the day.. moment of truth.. whether i was selected to continued my studies in Higher Nitec.. And H*ll yeah!, i was Selected!!.. i m damn happy that glory was on my side.. cause seriously if i wasn't selected in continuing my educations i have to get myself out in the working life... so I m glad that i was given the chance from God to continue.. coz i before the day.. night. i keep praying.. i said " If i wasn't selected to continue in my studies, please do give me a proper job to support my life" and i always hope i could to continue..n yes!...

But unfortunately, like my previous last2 post.. i wish if things could be like last time.. but i can't expect things to be the same when the year and situation changed wasn't isn't?.. so yes or no.. i have to try to adapt a new situation and new classmates.. i gonna missed my last year classmate badly..but i hope that i will get new classmate same as the two "clowns" hehe joking2...Someone like happy go lucky and make silly jokes like Dil.. and a best ever partner for project Ian..the same thing they have in common is "RANDOM Thought" and i can't deny the rest like Yana..Alif..Rufi.. and etc.. i really gonna missed them.. hm..

Now i have arnd a month +/- to get prepare.. and then here my April ITE life begin.. Its gonna be so much different.. with the old friends that used to be.. I do wish 2010 classmate gonna be the same as my 2008 classmate!!... I miss them!!!.. Haifz senior and Junior, Thameem.. Safwan..Lin Han and Bin.. Wei chien, Eugene..Yi Ling..Safri.. Stathish.. and all.. hmm but then.. again.. i must adapt to new situation now,,, hope i could get even more friends.. and we will "JIWA BEB!" haha.. Lame!.. hmm i wish it will be true... and I not gonna forget my last year partner in crime easily.. they will always be there in one place my heart...and hope my new April Classamte gonna be happy go lucky.. adapt with each other, shared one heart.., and hope i will have a good friend by my side... hmm i not gonna forget my last year friends.. hmm

Time changed,World changed... things can't be the same... Life can't be stopped.. so like it or not.. it have to carried on... Now i feeling like wanna hug Ian, and Dil for being my best classmates!.. and i hug, yana ,alif ,rufi and all for make my 2008 and 2009 a memorable ones.. hmm haix..

I really iwsh i could continued April Intake 2010 in ITE with them all AGAIN!,.. hmm

I gonna miss u gals/guys badly!.. I MEAN IT BADLY!!..hmm

=(
Nana

Love have extroardinary powers!,. its could kills and cure..but if u know how to used it.. it could bring some happiness and guidance in life!!..

Things never been prefect for me for the past years, I been facing many up and downs for the past 3 years of my teens life... I don't know how can i describe this feeling.. For me after all three years i been suffering from many kinds of life crisis, but one of the crisis i phobia to faced in was Love...

I was like so afraid to believe in Love again, i don't know why this feeling that i feel almost for 4 years being single.. i been trying hard not to questions why.. Its like i been hurt many times,.. one after another keep coming to me..all kind of attitude and behavior that drive me crazy and even make me cry..

I know i was imperfect person, but i know one thing that i will make it all perfect when comes to love, i will give my trust,happiness,love,care,concern and my soul to him.. I just need one guy to be there for me and share this values together for our relationship..i just want a guy to be with me for eternity..But then love never make it easy for me..

Last relationship just go over in the drain,promises all thrown down to the sea.. He make me promise so many things together, But again i was blind by his sweet promises.. I been crying all nights after losing him.. and questioning what makes it all go this way.. he was so cruel living me alone, with those unanswered questions in my heart.. Till the guy that named S** come and comfort me.. and tell me not to think of my past relationship that make me sad till now.. He told me to move on.. and be strong.. He bring those confidence in me back and forget all about my bad past relationship,he said i shouldn't think about it and hold back my life now...I deserve a better life..i admit i do regret to be love again due to my last relationship,and other love crisis been hunting me at the moment.. but then again.. i forget we were just friends nothing more... However, i keep bring my own smile to my face.. and get to the place that make me smile and relax even though im alone there, to me the wind was my companion.. and the one that accompany me where ever i go..

Feel like never wanted to love again.. Its hurt me internally..,but then its nothing could be done..We should learn from the past.. but my heart just l don't want to hear about love for now.. maybe its closed its door for really special someone..When my heart found the special someone, which is the right guy with the right keys.. maybe i will be in love again..

I feel happy with my family and friends by my side..i love them very much for making those little smiles on my face..I hope i make theirs too.. they always specials in my heart in some ways..

Life experiences, always teaches something. Either it good or bad you decide it where can you used it for. Keep those sad feeling away, just smiles and have fun with family and friends..Its could be a medicine to cure your heart.. =)

Lastly,Im not celebrating it on 14th Feb 09.. this for u..

Happy Valentines Day.. to couples out there..

Nana =)

Its time for the Big changes!, Sorry things have to go by my ways now,, =(

Day after day is still about the same old thing. Home.. Home.. and home.. im getting sick and tired being at home all the time!!..

Its time to wake up!!.. and get rebellious!!.. hahaha.. Gonna be the old Nana.. hehe where rebellious is my way of getting freedom!!.. enough of innocent old me.. hehe.. the time has come.. its time to get things work out as they usually before.. being innocent me not gonna worked.. follow whatever their orders.. when no means No!.. now i gonna work my own way.. where No means YES!!.. haha... its not i wanted to be this way.. but i can't keep listening, and let them give me the orders all the time!.. Im sorry mum and dad.. I love u .. but your way wasn't working for me.. im 18 years old now!.. i wanna my freedom..don't worry i ain't do it for bad.. i gonna used it to fill the things i should see and checked it out and it can't never experiences when im in 20's anymore...

I love u daddy!.. but u all are getting over my head.. and i don't like it.. im sorry.. Pls have faith in me.. and pls give me your trust,., well my teenagers life come once in a life time.. i can't afford to put it to a waste.. and i just wanna enjoy it .. I gonna do it now before its too late to turn back..

I have to fights you guys now.. two against one...i know we are in deeply financial crisis problem.. but time is ticking, i know going out is a waste of money.. but i can't afford to waste the time.. A 60 second i delayed.. its another minutes i won't get back.. Pls understand me.. I love u so much!... but that's the only way..

I m feel sad when people always say i the one that having problem when comes for outing.. Im sick and tired when i was partly the one causes the problem.. Its not easy being me.. However i know part of the reason people been ignoring me it cause im having problem going out.. im don't care much about it.. but then im getting use to it.. being left out its not a normal thing to me anymore.. i can't blame them either for not inviting me.. cause they themselves must sick and tired of my old stupid reasons.. I know people always have bad things to say about me., i don't give a damn.. as long i don't hear it with my ears.. and im happy the way i m is important.. To me in every group im in.. is better being in the middle of no where.. that's the resaon why i don't just stick to one person.. Mixed around is the best.. I gonna changed.. "Oh God Please give me faith for what im gonna do.. and pls showed me the right path.. keep me away from the path of hell.. " so that whenever or where ever im at... im know the path im in is the one is safe and right for me.. "Please give me the faith.. so i could fight for it.. Im doing it for the sake of my teens life.. please blessed me for what i wanted to do.. im doing it a gd thing,just spend time with friends before its all changed and too late for me to regain everything .. please guide me on the path im going.. Dan Insyallah aku boleh buktikan pada sahabatku2 yang aku bukan lagi penyebabnya..Amin.." <<>>

"Bismillahirahmanirahim...Ya Allah Ya TuhanKu, Aku berpinta PadaMu Mudahan2 segala perbuatan ku yang aku lakukan di perkenankan oleh Mu, Bukannya aku lakukan untuk niat yang jahat, ia sekadar hanya hiburan yang aku ingin mengisi di hari remajaku sebelum aku menyesal di hari tua ku..Aku berpinta padaMu Tuhan!, Lindungi la hambamu apabila aku di luar rumahku, and jika aku berbohong pada orang tua ku, ia bukan satu perkara yang aku sesekali ingin laku kan.. tapi ia cumer satunya2 cara buat aku untuk pergi ke tempat yang aku ingin merasainya .. aku berpinta semoga Kau Ya Allah SWT ,bibingla aku ker jalan yang benar.. and jauhkan aku ker jalan yang sesat,.. Dan kelakuan aku ini ialah satu2 nya cara untuk aku mencari kebahagian hidup ku sendiri, sesunnguhnya Kau sahajalah yang mengatahui penderitaan yang aku lalui.. Tidak sesekali aku ingin menjadi anak yang biabab dan anak yg derhaka pada orang tua..Kerana mereka tidak percayai padaku.. sebab itu aku terpaksa bebohong untuk mencari jalan keluar.. and aku cuma berpinta padamu.. lindungi la hambamu sepanjang masa.. memang cara ku agak membahaya dan agak berisiko..Ia menyedihkan aku,yang terpaksa berbohong untuk kebebasan.. tapi ia hanya satunya2 cara yang aku ada.. Puas aku cuba untuk memberi pergertian kepada mereka yang aku ingin kebebasan, tapi ia hanya sia2, demi itu aku berpinta pada mu ya Allah, untuk merahmati setiap pergerakan aku.. Insyallah ..Sesungguhnya Kau lah Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang and Maha Pengatahui..Hanya kepadaMu aku Berpinta and mengadu nasib ku...Tolongla hambamu ini, and aku mohon Kemaafan keatas semua perbuatanku..Insyallah ..Amin"


I have to admit,what im gonna to do is a big risk.. but there no other choice.. Its sad that lying is the way for freedom.. but this is the fact.., pathetic if i think again.. but that is reality.. people always get used with lies rather than the truth.. It was because different parent have different perception,Like i say before its hard being me.. for years i tried to convince my parent and tell them what i want.. its seem so hard for them to get it.. You may give me thousands of ways to say it to my parent.. when the have their own way of perception..that's where no matter what u do, its can't change their way.. so i can't change their way, i gonna change mine.. so Im damn deeply sorry.. i can't stay any more longer in your orders.. i gonna prove you that im old enough for my actions and the way of im taking care of myself.. i do really appreciate you to give me your support and give me your trust... I love you.. but then.. I really sorry..=(

Is its possible for me to move on?.. =(

I always told myself to move on in life and if possible never turn back to the past. But, no matter how hard i tried.Its hard to resist it. Almost every night i keep wondering why does things have to gone this way? And why can't i just prevent the past from happening and effect my future?..If i could prevent it i don't have to told myself to move on badly..

January 2010, is not a good starting year for me.. As i feel everything start to changing.. i wished time was like to be in 2009.. But, Unfortunately it can't. Things changed like a wind... Its like my footstep in the sand was like being washed away by the sea that hit the beach..but i beg at least for once, My joy and happiness from my past would come to me and shall bring those smiles back in many people faces...hmm.

Nana =(

Im trying to tell myself it all a reality, it the facts of the reality of Us..

I just want one guy, to show me that they're not the same.
I've been hurt so many time before.. but, for every girls heart that get broken..there's another guy with a glue gun..

If i wanna see the rainbow..,i gotta go through the rain
If i wanna feel love..,i gotta through the pain

Coz loving you was the best and worst mistake i ever made.., Coz u were the only guy worth drawing those silly little love hearts all over my notebook for..

Coz every girl wants to have her fairy tale,but.. don't fairy tales have happy endings?.Everyone wants that feeling of when you can't stop smiling..coz all i can think about is that guy,feeling safe knowing that someone is thinking about me all the time.., but then again nothing can last forever..even the best relationships can go wrong over night,but the best thing to do is moving on..,

Just coz things didn't work out doesn't mean I'll never love again..its just means that someone out there love me more!. Love is most likely starring him in the face, i had just been too blind to see it..

So when i see couples walking down the streets holding hands, keep my head up and smile..coz I'll never know who is round the corner,never forget my friends!,they will be right even when you don't want them to be.., Coz good friends are hard to find,harder to leave and impossible to forget!..

For every 60 seconds i spend upset,is another minute i won't get back..

As life is too short, i think is better i dance like no one is watching,sing like no one is listening and love like i have never been hurt before..

One thing for sure, mistakes are made for a reason , and i just gotta learn from them and try not to make the same ones again.

Just to remember,no guy is worth mine tears,but the one who is won't make me cry..

So i think is fair enough after holding him for long enough in my heart, its time to let him go.. he not worth for me, or either waiting for.. No matter what ways u have.. the fact is the guy i give my love, is attached.. i cant deny the facts.. i cant hide and run from it.. even though i the only one knows the pains that i been enduring all the while.. even though the word "friends" he wanted, but i knowing enough, things is complicated for me.. Even though the memories is hunting me, the facts is the facts.. u can't deny a thing.. even though he was your dream guy that u ever pray to meet from years ago... its clear i only can be friends,but the facts is i cant OWN him.. so its better u let him go.. coz the more he is here with me.. the more i can't move on, its a pain to gain.. but that the price that i have to pay.. saying gdbye to u is not what i wanted. but separated for a moment wld make me clear of everything.. 2010 is a brand new year.. so i don't wish this to be dragged in 2010 any longer.. i have to let u go.. same how i do it to other guys that i love.. its a big scarification to me, as i feel i a loser in comes of relationships..,U, yourself remember those memories.. its pain to hear it.. but again it the facts.. keep the memory of us.. coz i think that will be the last and for all.. u won't be able to contacting me now..



"alif atas I, lam mati atas love, ya depan U..i love u..hahaha"..These was ur words when i asked what u think the pic above arabic means..

Saying goodbye to u..forget me arites.. if u read this.. pls i never abandon our friendships.. but the pain is just too much, im sorry..
=( CRPLS