2010 is a year of nightmare that i kept saw in my imaginations..=(

I have almost 1 day left (31th December 2009) tomorrow to prepare myself to say goodbye to 2009. Its sad for me to left this year, i have great up and downs for this year.

2009 is the year where i unites almost with all my friends, i always love them.., i might not describe how i love them in words,but its all in my heart, i enjoy spending my moments with them, if i conquer the time, i wanna spent with everyone like never ends..., Not to forget my 2009 ITE classmates PE0801P, even though i have a issues with my teacher, i always love him for being patience all the while with me, i still remember on 30th/--/09 i have a big quarrel with him, that's my first time being rude to a teacher.. however im proud to have MR Andrew Lim my former 2008 Class Advisor to support me, he been trying hard to push me to the end for this year, and he make me promise him to succeed till the end of the sch year, and i did!.

Not to forget 25Th October 2009, Where big arguments happened this moment never ever erase from my life, i always remember this moment caused this where we told each other to start everything back a new, and only God Knows whats happend between us all, but now deep inside my heart, i will never forget evey single of my friends scarification that they have done.. and i truly love them!...

Not to forget the Clan.. Arinah, Fifa, Mazlina, Sufian, Aidil and newly known on Arinah's birthday,Aqilah and Hana... well this clan really a outgoing clan.. i have great time with them all.. and i feel so happy while spending my time laughing with them.. and one hobby i guess in the clan wont missed out is a picture of the day whenever there outing.. hehe well hope this clan will last long and if possible forever...


Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Rufi,Faizal and others, i always love them all!, my love never been divided at all, i always wish i cld spent my whole year with everyone.. I really appreciate with the presence of them all.. thanks so much for being there and support me..

I don't know how cld i face 2010 that gonna arrive soon, whenever i saw a advertisement regarding celebration 2010, my hearts felt so scared, and in my eyes 2010 is like a nightmare, and im scared and not even excited to looking forward..Its was because 2010 is a year of separations to me, where most of my friends gonna head their owns path now.. For ITE friends, we are graduated and most of us heading somewhere else.. i feel so scared, coz i don't know who gonna by my side next year?.. ;'(, if this year i have Ian, Safri, Naufal and Shafiq as my classmates, and i have friends like Yana, Alif, Rufi and my former classmates, i don't know who gonna stay for 2010..., its like a stranger to me.. i don't know can i find a loyal,funny,crazy,irritating friend like Ian for a classmate and a partner for projects?, Safri, Naufal, and Shafiq as a friend to accompany and help out me in stuff??, I don't know.. seriously im scared.. im crying right now,cause im scared losing them... cause i never gonna find a person like them..i might take advantage of them, but deep inside i appreciate them and i love them for being there...

2010 where every persons of friends gonna go separates ways, i don't want to loose them all!, i really wanted them to be with me right here besides me.. but im afraid ,that's not things gonna be next year.. Yana might pursue to another course in another campus, Nina gonna be busy same goes to Herwani, Faizal,Eerah and the rest, Alif and Rufi i not sure. Ian gonna head for National Service (NS) Police in 4th May 2010, Aidil gonna head somewhere to continues his sad life, he always shows his happiness arnd to cheers others, but i can feel, he been suffering inside... and no ones knows.. Maz, she gonna continues her studies, Arinah, she gonna continues her studies too..Fifa gonna achiever her goals as well and my newly known friends Aqilah and Hana also have things to achieve... everyone have their own things to achieved..

However,where ever my friends was, i always support them in their Good greats goals.. and they will always be my friends no matter what, even though we're gone separates ways, i will keep their memories with me.. and bring them where ever i go.. no matter they are casual, new, old or far, even closes friends their will always be there in my heart.. I gonna missed them badly!.. ;'(, I =f they faces doubt or problem ups or downs in 2010 i really hopes they will shares it with me..and i pretty happy to be their listening ears..=(, and will inform me if they changes their numbers..

I don't know, if i continued in Higher Nitec can i find a best classmate like used to be?.., Im just too scared.. im scared the world of year 2010 would be a mean year to me.. and i scared, that nobody by side anymore.. ;'(, i don't know.. im scared..., im feel that 2010 separating me from my friends all of them!.. hm i missed them all.. pls don't separates us all.. i don't know what will i be without them... even though my family always there, i still need someone outsiders to guide me.. haix.. i dont' know for now.. i just gonna say i really wish things gonna stay as what the use to in 2009..and my friends will always stay and be there for me and us all.. i really wish that.. And most important is, i hope all of us will not changed and stay how we use to know each other.. the old them that i recognized them now.. but if they changed i gonna missed old them..

Life is changing, time is ticking, day is switching, but i hope my memories, how i use to know them, love , care, and our bonding never changes at all!... =(

I really hope 2010 is a year of bonding and gathering and not a year of separations....year or happiness, joy and fun not a year of crying sad and horrifying year.. hm =(

*LOVE U ALL..*
NaNa FaRhAnAh a.K.a NaNa PeNdEk

Chaos of Ian birthday planing.. hehe =)

Now was 12.51am.. 16 December 2009!, guess what its Ian birthday.. actually i really hope that today wld be a memorable birthday for him as he going NS at 4th May 2010.. and we might unable to celebrate his birthday again, who knows we all gonna separate ways..


14 December 2009
My Actual plan is if we could celebrate his birthday at his place. Arinah give the idea of that and others agreed as well, so we go on with the plan, but without Ian knowing. so i the one that gonna talk to his mum since they say i closed to his mum, I got nervous wanna call his home cause i kind a worried if he the one that answer the phone.. however i tried and he did answered, i lied that i say i tried to contact him through hp but then network failed.. heheh =P , then while i on the phone with him, Arinah call.. so we conference together.. while in the conference.. Ian did say that he not sure whether he could make it for the outing, cause maybe his family will bring him out.. so i like acting and say"Hand the phone to your mum let me talk to her and say that i booked u for tomorrow outing." then he did pass it,then due to confused so many voices in the conference cause Fifa was in the conference as well.. Ian said " Why u didn't speak with her when she say hello?". Then i decided and i say "Then u used your hp and conference while i called your house phone" he agreed and hang up, and i rushy dialed his house number.. and yeah! his mum picked up.. i asked his mum whether they are bringing Ian out?, then i say about my plan if could we wanna celebrate Ian birthday at his place and that only happen if we have the permission of Aunt and Uncle, his mum need to discuss its over Ian Dad.. so i give his mum time to talk about it and get back to me by tomorrow around 1pm.. after i hang up, i called Arinah and joined the conversation again.. then Arinah talk to me privately before joining me with rest for conference.. then i told her everything about the plan and then she join me back in the conversation as per normal..and discussed and discussed... hehe =)

15 December 2009
I wake up at 11 or 12pm in the afternn something.. then i patiently wait till 1pm for his mum reply, and i really hope if the answer was positive, cause i hope it can,cause i can imagined the fun moment already at his place, and so that he could celebrate together with his friend and family...At 1pm i was anxiously, then i tried to called his house using my hp but then no one picked up after several's tone..then i called use my house phone which is private so if Ian picked i could just hang up without he knowing it.. but then still no one answered.. then i think maybe they going out, or maybe she go pray for Zohor.. Then it around 1.30pm and i go washed out and go out to Tampines Post Office to pay my dad bill, then i decided to called Ian when i at the post office, and he answered, so i asked " What are u doing?" the he said " i just woke up".. then i chat with him for awhile and i tried to asked "then u r alone?" He replied" Nope, my mum just come back from taking her medicine".. so that why no one answer my called.. i talk to him again with a topic .. then i suddenly say to him "By the way, what are the ingredients that your mum used to make the Marble Cake?" caused i used to eat his mum cake and i really love it.. then he say " u go called my house and asked her then".. so i hang up and called his house.. but then no one pick up after so long.. then Ian called and say wait for some minute her mum was on the phone.. then after awhile his mum called and say about the plan result.. unfortunately she can't.. caused she didn't told his dad about it due to certain family reasons.., his mum do say "don't get mad alright s Farhanah ", haha then i say " its ok", i wont forced,its ok if she can't", so i contd my conversation with his mum asked about the ingredient of the marble cake.. and after awhile.. we hang up.. then i called Ian back through his Hp..then i called Arinah and told her about the news, then we had no choice to continued the plan as the original way outing by Ian plan etc..

16 December 2009
Later that night around 8,30pm i called Arinah as she wanted me and Ian to called her and we plan at first they say we hangout at a place that i wasn't sure..then Aidil want us to join conversation and then it all like so messed up.. then blah3 cut things short.. Ian , Arinah and me get back on the conference and cracked up our head for outing places .. and then.. after Ian hangs up i called Arinah.. and tried to plan about the cake surprised.. cause Ian doesn't know about it.. then we got so messed up, at last i just told Arinah do what she things rites,... and here goes...

I really hope that the outing is a memorable birthday for Ian.. cause i really hope he would remember this birthday as the memorable birthday he ever had.. but i don't know.. i hope later we will have great day and have fun!.. and ya Mazlina (Ian ex) doesn't joined us this time round, hm due to her own valid reasons i guess .. hm however i hope Ian will have a great birthday outing, i really hope, u must be wondering why i like wanted this outing goes perfectly.. hm cause i don't know when,where and etc i can spend time with him and my friends again.. i gonna miss them. especially Ian cause he gonna be in NS.. or in Police next year. after getting our ITE results if either of us didn't make it or make it, or separate ways .. who knows he might not be the old guy i used to know., and same goes to my friends, i really hope we would have a great long friendship that never ends... not only with Arinah, Mazlina, Aidil, Sufian and Fifa and same goes the rest.. Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Rufi, and etc,, and others,,

i love u all and i wish my friendship would last long with all of u, cause my love as a friend to u all is unlimited,... haix.. i really hope i could make a memorable birthday for everyone.. but im sorry if i couldn't/ didn't make your birthday a great or memorable one, .hmm.. anyways to Ian i hope u will have a great day with us.. even though i know u wouldn't read my blog, but i hope u will not forget me as your friend alright's, cause i know i m not the kind of people you usually hang out with, but i do hope you wont changed, and same goes to Aidil and all.. i really hope.. and lastly "Mudahan2 16 December 2009, ini akan menjadi hari lahir Ian yg terindah.. and mungkin jadikan lah hari lahir nyer yg terindah yg tak akan Ian lupekan dalam hidupnye.. Insyallah Amin.. "


Gonna really hope things will go fine... =)

Nana 1.41am... =)

life and loves??.. Wld things blend?.. depends on ur STORIES...

Life... When u say the word life many things can be related to this word... its like a small thing with big conclusions ,links and etc...

Sometimes i wonder myself.. m i in other dimensions??.. sometime i feel people don't understand me at all,Family and sometime Friends.. After i lost someone really special in my heart.. i was like a blind gal in the world... haiz.. anyway no used to cry over a spilled milk isn't?..no used of me crying over the person that won't guarantees any happy that will last long for me right?..

I realize after a few incident happened to me for the past months in 2008 and 2009.. i adrift far and far away, without realizing it.. I been facing many love crisis for the past months.. and i changed slowly without knowing... its like in a dream... while its all goes just fine and exactly perfect.. things comes to change when a guy i admire and we might have the same thought together have graduated and its was like the perfect time to revealed everything on the eve on Valentines day 09..but in the end it just like the time is not for us to revealed the truth... and then then i get to know another guy.. he was so kind-heart, friendly,sweet and so called romantic guy.. unfortunately he was my dream guy... i thgt i might feel so grateful to found him.. but then others stories clashes and we left just friends.. we have sweet moment at esplanade.. we sit and... its was memorable day.. as we hug, i told him.. my feeling as we look at the cloud,.. and wonders.. but then it was the first time in my life i wasn't alone anymore... and we spent timeless moment like the time never end.. however.. someones i miss those moment i had with him..


But things have changed now.. i cant to rely hopes on the past to make my future a prefect life.. i have to wake up.. and now i totally aware love just making u drown.. and life is a story of u and people that used to fill the characters in the stories...

WE cant never wakes up in the dream of loves, cause it like unbearble for us to leave it..and awake frm it.. but if u keep drowning and sleep.. u can never see what the reality of each day trying to tell u.. =)

Nana Pendek...

Why must be egois???.. =(

Life been so s**k these days.. This morning just got scolded from dad, well i dont get it .. did i done something wrong by asking where have they been to till they reached home late in arnd morning??..If it so, im concerned ,coz my mum not feeling well so if my mum wasn't feeling well they shld headed home early so mum wld get a gd rest after a Wedding invitation.Haix..As a reward instead of compliments he scolded me.. i get so frustrated .. as everyone in this house are like "Mind your own business!"...So what the word "FAMILY" stands for??...Well im played my role a daughter and im just concerned... Seems that ppl in this house cant be asked at all.. hmm well that i better mind my own business as well.. I m much more happier ...

The thing i hated most is querraling with dad.. He like a army that will killed everyone even though sometimes you were on the right side.. He assumes every words u say is a offence.. typical parents... cant be advised..., Sometimes i the one feel guilty even though i know my intention to correct him when he was wrong..., im not trying to teaching him.. but i believe as human being you make mistakes.. he correct me when im wrong..but why does he must be go egois when im correcting his??..like i say before typical parents.. Sometimes my mum cant be bothered looking at us querralling.. She just stand and be nobody..

Even though i querreling with dad.. the most person im closed to is HIM.. Strange things work...
Even thing might not work as they shld be..sometime a querrel are another gd thing to understand "us" better.. Dad i love u so much!!!.. Your'e my soul.. i love u dad!!!.. if i wld have a boyfriend.. You are still on the top of my heart... i love u dad!!!!.. and honey (If my soon i have a bf .. U jgn jealous kae syg.. )hehehe.. daddy!!!! i LURP U!!!!!!..

From being so HEARTLESS.. it might lead you as well to GUILTINESS feeling unforgiving to yourself..

Today was my First day NDP Dikir Barat training...

AFter all.. im kind of excited...

Well when i we was practising.. my fren pointed me "Was that guy on the stage is Raden?"... Well im just not sure.. coz i got cock eye.. i cant regconised ppl easily.. and when ppl calling him Hamdan.. my fren pretty sure it was him.. well he was my fren God bro b4..

And now when i was practising.. and lookin at him..i think it pretty sure it was him.... when i talk about this guy u must be wondering who and what this guy got to do with me??...


This story happenned 1 yr past...

Well my fren herself introduce heim to me.. in msn..
and after awhile we kind a close..
And till one day he wanted something special in our frenship..

He confessed to me he love me.. and wanted to be with me..
But at that moment my heart was tight to a guy whch i love him..
So this guy wanted me to give him a answer.. and he really sad and keep asking me. wat so special in that guy that till i cant give him the placed.. Is not i cant.. but the guy i love was strong in my heart that time.. and im not a hypocrite.. while attached my heart was still on other guy.. and in fact i dont want to hurt his feeling.. After all i dont mean to hurt his feeling.. if i have that opportunity i wld give it all to him(raden)...

And i remmber the night he waited for my answer...
I was with my fren.. and he msg me.. something sound like this.. " Will u accept me??".. and i know my answer was a NO.. actually i wanted to know whether the guy i ws having heart on him will he give any same feeling back to me.. coz we have so called a chrismtries.. but then He(Raden) was so impatient.. i all stressed up and give up on both of this guys.. coz i need time to get it all straight and not a regretable answer.. after all happened.. i rmberd im changed..

IM changed to be a unregconised gal... im the heartless gal when i was that moment.. i nvr tried to understand ppl feeling..
but then.. he really wanted to help me.. even though he say its ok if u cant accept me.. but atleast let me help u to changed old u.. to the old Nana i know.. i ws so heartless.. i nvr give him that chances to help me.. and i rmmbred i mit him for first and last time.. he wanted to talk to me and wanted to spend his time the whole day with me n we escaped from classes... but then i disagreed..After a while he follow mine decisions for disagreed miting him.. but after awhile i decided to mit up.. but this time he dont want.. i try my best cheer him so he will mit me.. and i told him ok.. lets mit tmw.. and see whether i can bring the old Nana back..i tried( actually i wanted to look at his face to face, so that from the eye i can see whether he really being true or lieing),we set time and place then...

We mit.. and i walk a further distance frm him..then he hugs me,. from the back,.. and say.. "u pls i wont leave u".. im kind of short so its easy for him to hug..

Then we go Macdonald and talk.. he keep trying to help.. as i say i was so heartless.. then i told him i wanted to go to sch.. adn he keep holding me back.. n he grabbed my hand not to letting me go...and i keep pulling tis off him.. till i say this.. " i tak nak tgk muker u agik!"(i dont want to see ur face again!).. then he shock and asked.. "btl u tak nak tgk muker i agik?"(really? u dont want to see my face again?).. and i wasn't look to him and i say.. "yes.."even though i know i did that i wasnt look at his faced..

Iknow i was a cruel isint it?!.. but as i say i was cruel i cant think clearly.. and then he still begging.. i know im sad.. but that time i m heartless gal.. then he sing me a song.. song called "Farhanah" as we waiting for my bus to come.. then i say if u read the lyrics clearly of the song its like (farhanah)she was a bustard.. at that time i wasn't aware wat i was saying.. As my bus reached.. he still like insisting me go...but i leave him.. as he standing at the side, i can see with a heart broken feeling conquered him..

I look at him all the way and he where he was till i algined in the bus he was standing there till my bus driving out frm the interchnge.. he do msg me... and say "im lied about brging old me back..." and all sad msges.. .. till i didn't reply him the last msg..

He wanted me to deleted the song that he give me is cold.. "Pelangi Petang" whch my fav song.. and he also say he deletd my pics... and from that moment.. we forget each other already..

"Pelangi Petang" the song while we hearing together over the phone.. Then i remmberd i keep denying that the song starting was a girl.. and he keep cpnvinving me its was a guy in Malay translation i talked to him " U part nie yg nyanyi cam pompan jer u.." Raden reply " Taklah its guy lah syg"...that the part i cant forget..

But when it all past suddenly this what im feel.. i feel im HEARTLESS!!!!.. i don't even spare any chances to him... wat kind of gal im ... and now.. i feel so guilty and sad.. and dissappointed to myself....

Then kind of recently i unblocked him frm my msn.. and i begged for his apology..and he did accept my apologys... what i can say the way he chat with me kind of harsh... he changed his toned towards me.. but i dont blame him.. coz its my fault...
and i told him everything that im feeling guilty..and he forgive me.. he say he already forget it all.. hmm but now.. its effected to me.. as life have to go on... that the story...

Remember Past doesnt mean it only stay there.. but its will effected your future..so do a right decisions for yourself and ppl arnd you.. coz Your Life are effecting thiers if your decisions got to do with them..

Nana...

Nothing just let it go arites...

160309 is the day i know you are back.. And i been like locking myself in the prison. I know i put the hope on you but once my love have gone. but i still yearn for it.. And today 300309 night the day i get to know eveything and im happy as well abit of sad.. but atleast i know i don't owe him anything anymore.. coz last year, --/--/08. we have a great chemistry .. pls allowed ,e to keep those sweet moemnt for life.. Especially the first eye contact.. maybe we are fated not to be together...

finally i found my answers, and im closing the chapter of this Long loves..

Finally yesterday i get the answer i been waiting all these long.. For the first time i brave up myself and msg him..I not sure why yesterday i think of that.. and i pray hard to God ALLAH SWT.. i pray hard for few days past... and yesterday i really pray hard.. n finally he showed me the way.. as i pray i said.. Only he knows what good or bad for me.. and i surrender my life story upon to him..

Indeed, He showed me the way.. And i start to msg him.. at first i m kind of nervous.. but then he reply me back.. i asked whether he regconise my number, and he did with great surprised expression.. as it showed all over in his sms...

i continued smses him.. and he reply every of my msg.. and when he himself msg with give me a full of joy when he said he was wif his "ehem".. when i saw that word.. maybe most ppl shld think i wld be sad.. but it not!!.. its brings up smile to my face.. Let me explain why... So i know that i dont feel like owing him any loves.. because all the while i cant except any other guy in my mind bcoz due to him.. so now its like everything is clear enough that nothing for me to worried about anymore,.. And after that i can feel the relief in my heart bcoz i know we are not hoping ....

So its mean we werent fate for each other... And i accept that coming.. as last post i do say i forced myself to forget him.. and indeed.. i forget all the love and everything but only one thing i cant forget about him that we have its the precious little memory we used to gain... so it wasnt a difficult for me to forget him.. and now i just wanna treat him as my friend.. actually i have people that i admire.. but at last i prefer to have them as my friends rather then they keep themselves far away from me... who the person.. just let me keep it in my heart..

Hurt?

I do feel abit of sad.. and wonder.. bcoz i cant still remember the past ...
while i with my friend.. i was hangout with him.. but then his fren come... so i leave my small beg on the table.. and unfortunatley, he put his belongings on my beg... while i sit on a table that kind of facing other table.. coz im kind of embrassed to it infornt of the guys arnd.. so after im done.. i fetch myself a tissue which in my beg... and then.. i taking my beg.. while he abt to removing his belongings frm my beg.. he stared at me as i look at him as well in the eyes... and i slowly turned my faced off him.. and my heart was raced hard after that.. after that i cant stopped thinkin of him... as i was strucked by his smile which wins my heart...

we have great memories.. mgt not great for him but it is for me.. but i just wanted to keep this memories till end...

we love to play Tekken together... and we also like to joke arnd, i dont want to forget the memories.. as it cant be found anywhere or been repeated the same day,time n feelings..

IM feel so well Thanks!.. to Allah SWT...without His Guidence and showing me the door of truth maybe i wld have been hoping far than now.. atleast i know theres the end now.. I pray that he wld happy with his love.. and i also hope he have a great time .. about the past actually its still sad for me.. but i shld be gald that now my door of hearts is opened..



DO we have the same way??

Maybe i and him do have the feel love toward each other.. that we both dont know.. Its was bcoz my fren sometime keep saying abt ltr my boyfriedn scold all the thingy.. maybe he have turned or sacrifice it loved for me, and forget me.. as same goes to me.. i have guys liking me.. but for me.. i rejectted them just for him.. and maybe we have same way.. and maybe we just losed the hopes.. but however i think it cant be rewind as i guess he have throwned the memory and love far away.. and make way for others.. as for me i keep the place specially reserved for him.. but i think we both can get over it.. means we both already forgetting the past...



To all.. Loved sometimes doesnt means holding but it also sometimes about letting go...
and somtimes its better we be friends atleast u not losing him/her.. but now for me everythin have past.. i have to moved forward.. its a sad for me.. but i have to forced myself to look infornt.. and refer at the back as my dictionary of mistakes that i shldnt repeat.. Its hurt to lost him i do admit i gone thru the pains to forgetting him.. times is wat u needed.. frens is wat we want to brg up the cheers.. so closed this chapter of life.. and open new chapter tmw.. as i found my qns finally come with the answers.. and now im closing this chapter,, and shall not be think again.. it wld be only as refer so that i cld help my frens that mgt have the same situation as me..

1st thing u have to have Faith in God.. He knows what the best for us.. thats wat i do..

Kepade melayu.. percayelah terhadap Ajal,Maut dan Jodoh itu di tanganNye..

Well tc frens!!!

24th March 09..... wishes...will it come true??

There nothing could be done to save the memories as the pole i used to hold on have been rusted in time,which no longer be there to hold it strong. Nothing left but hopes which all shuttered. Pls give me the courage to continued my life, as nothing left for me to hold on in this word of LOVE..

In the dreamt we were given the opportunity to confess our feeling... But in the dream the words are kept repeating over and over again.. and then u vanished.. For me now.. its sad that all of myfeeling towards u cant be saved.. i tried to hold where ever i can.. but then its too late... i have thrown all the memories we had with u in the ocean in my heart...even now nothing i cld hold..

My love and heart toward u before its all gone.. i guess its too late to turn over everything... I yearned for true love..but i guess it wasnt for me.. i been waiting... and tring to stand up straight... I tried to find all the love and memeories we had before. but its hard for me to look at it back.. as i alraedy cried badly o letting it all go of my mind and my life... Now i realsied.. when the thing we wanted the most it wont come.. but when we thrown it away it start to came back..


SYAFIQ... i cant cried as no more tears i hold after the last thing i did which i think it benefits for us... But it was a big mistake...Today is 23rd March 09 which tmw will be my birthday... I should be happy and excited as i know 18 is wat i been waiting for.. but then it dont seem wat i waiting for all the while.. Syafiq i alwaes pray hard.. but then now all of the feeling have gone.. how can i revealed everything back?... Theres nothing...i pray hard my birthday wishes will come true...

Forgeting u it not i intend to do..

ello...

i guess after today or tmw.. we might not seeing each other again, as i heard form many students that tmw will be a graduation day..

I saw at escalator goin to swimming pool area.. and i tired to called and make conversation to u.. but i guess, i wasnt able to catched u.. i admit.. i kept this feeling abt u... I love u..,

i tried a few times.. but today was abt the day.. but suddenly its like i got the feeling telling me not to turned back to sch.. as after that i go out ...


but as i walked with my friends my heart cant bear the pain of tears cryin out.. and now i cried badly...

THE MEMORIES

* Even though there wasnt much we spent time together,..
But i still rember..

* The first met...

* When i was sitting down with my friend WC.. while waiting for u and ur friends.. after awhile u came and i was eating.. and i left my bag on the table u put ur belonging on my bag.. as i wanted to take my stuff.. u looked me in the eyes...

* and same goes during a teambuilding when it over i saw u... and there once more u satrae d me in the eyes..

* And during in the pool... we joke arnd by multiplaying games in psp.. and we intend to have another match again. but it wasnt..

* U came when i was playing pool with my friends and i was alone standing.. u and i was like tryin to make a conversation, i freshed in my mind u asked me " how many u have won today?"(roughly) and i take a themes of billabong in ur hp to my W910i..

* When i and friends come to Swimming pool.. go swim and u approuched me.. and asked for something.. and i saw u swimming welled..

* There time in pool u talking to me "what m i doing?" while u pass thru after booking tables for ur frens..

* ANd u hurt me most when i saw u and WC.. the first thing u say out to me is.. "where is your boyfriend?" , if u wasnt realize my heart cant accpet any other guy rather than only u... it hurt me when u say that way... i admit u saw me mixed with many guys.. but they wasnt as special as i know u..

* and more sitting wih u ,chatting with u, laughing with u.. and more..

* and I saw u when i peeking looking u in the swimming pool..

and today the last if we werent meeting again!...

..

I just wanted u to know that if after today i wont be mittingu again..

i will clipped all the memories we had, to the bottemless in my heart..
bcoz u the FIRST guy i ever loved ..and it reaally hard for me to forget u...

I put all the faith in God.. , i believed in Him ... I believe he knows what the best for me as welled for u... I have to fight all the emotions.. but i admit i cant!!.

im not gibing up.. but i cant just stay loveing u and yearned for u while there no end to it!... i cant keep rejecting guys that wanted to eneter to my life and making me happy.. because my happiness in ur hands...

i guess if u go.. i have to let this memories or lloved i carried the burden these days off...

i just hope the memories will died with u in my heart!.. i admit u r the guy for me.. there wasnt more nor nothing less in u that wat i searching for in a guy ...but i guess u wont be mine.. afterall..

I wish all lovers happy valentines day...

I lost mines..which it wont be back....
which will died with my bottomless cryness heart...

as for me i will celebrates Valentines alone means crying in my heart alone...

I wanted u to know forgeting u is not i wanted to do, but i cant contd my life if the memories of u in my minds.. and i cant accpet other guy.., i cant stand when looking deep to the memories path we had before..

and i just ur name will fade slowly as it will peeled off my skin of heart piece by piece and it hurts when ur images in my mind fading..

IT pain.. but i left with no choice.. i i have the choiced i wanted to keep all of it.. but i cant....


SYAFIQ.....


Nana..

Did they ever hear it?,

Im sorry, it the last words i cld say to my (special persons).. i can't turn back to ur old girl that u used to know..

i dont mean to be wat u dont want me to be (dedicated to special person).. but U didint give me your attention since i was very young.. i was left kept left alone.. and dont get enough of your loves..
You dun even brg me the place i alwaes wanted to go..and till i grow up.. i find my way there alone.. and i managed to be the placed i yearned for yrs.

You left me cried alone.. and i been fightin all those feelin..

Do u ever know that ppl bullying me?,
Do you know that ppl are making fun of me?..,
Do you know that they make me be the smallest girl by hurting me with thier insulting words?,,
Do you know ppl take advanatage of me?... ,
Do you know i alwaes want your care??,
Do you know i want ur love and concerned??
Do you know i was the middle person with no one?
Do you know that slowly im changed?,
Do you know slowly of im changed due to lost of ur loves and attention?,...
Do u know that i been being this way due to my anger and sadness in me?..

and importantly..

DO U EVR WANT TO HEAR MY WORDS??...

U been letting me crying alone..

I know u are hurt with my way now.. but im sorry , i been hurts yrs ago....

I cried in me.. where only my hearts listened to it.. nobody else..

If only u wld listened.. i wont turn up this way..and you wont be asking why i m this way.. but too bad, u let it all go..

Im sorry.. that the word i cld say...

<<>>

Nana