My last day in 2008... i going to miss u

ello

After the watch strike 12am.. tit was going the last day of yr 2008...

For me i wont forget this memoriable year.., i wont forget my this year ITE 1st life.. and after tmw ends its was end to my Ite chapter of life.. why was time run too fast!..Im going to miss this year so much.. ti was because this where i was challenge with alots of consequnces decision.. But I make it thru here.. i hope next year wld be another memoriable year.,

Now i hope i will found my life partner.. which going will love me.., and together we will be serious in it.. I have to let the guy that i secretly loved go off my hands.. even though i loved him deep inside i have to let him go.. he nobodys.. he just someone that was dark in me that used to make my smiles on.. haix.., but i have great time with all of my frens, Lin Han. Lin Bin,Wei Chein,Safri ,Edwin and statish.. this ppl have together spent my time.. and my others classmates..., theres alot that we goin and faced together.. and the firts time we met is still freshed in my mind.. haix.. but i gue ed now it over..


To my friends..Thx for spending those wonderful moments with me.. and for those that we dont get the opportunity to get know.. i do hope we will get closed in the future.. hmm


Best Wishes

I wish i wld be happy with all the people that make me happy.. i wish they wld not leave me alone.. i wish i wld get to find my true loved... and i hope for world peace.. i hope every one wld have a great yr for next yr... I also do hope my life wld be more cheerful with happy ppl surrounded me.. and hope all ppl have long-live,happy with their love ones..and have good health.. hmm i goignt o missed 2008.. =(...

NANA

Dedicated to all... Im sowie...im such a idoit. i admit..

ello..

Im sorry for wat im have done.. now im lost .. i know maybe at this stage ppl might pissed off with me.. haix... if u also pissed out with me.. i begged please dont leave me.. i really lost in my oneself.. ppl migt c im norm.. but if u read certain in my blog.. u will know y..., its not i wantd to be this way.. but it hard.. I wanted to shared with ppl.. but i dont want later they sick and tired of hearing the prob im facing.. I dont mean to hurt anyone..

What i feel is i lost my smile and my happiness my old me.. ppl mgt c im norm.. but only i know tat im not me that used to be.. i wanted to get out frm here.. from the darkest nightmare im here... Wat im want is.. pls bring the brightnest of happiness in me.. pls.. i beg.. i sad over lost a fren that used to shared his smile or happiness abt his life.. and now i cldnt afford anymore.. ppl keep jealous wif me abt thing abt i being close to my fren whch i close to is their love ones.. I cant afford to faced all this anymore!!!..and the most i cant bear its keep repeating!!!.. feeling like running.. this the reason y i cant be old me arites.. bcozz my happineess wif my fren have been given to them ... It was so not unfair to me... i lost them to scarifice my fren happiness.. I cant hardly smile anymore.. my brain cant stop thinking of this and my changes!!!!.. ARRRHHHH!!! MAKE THIS ALL STOP!!!!!!!! >> ITS HURTING MY BRAIN!!!!!

PPL if u dun hear my scream,.. its bcoz im screamming in me.. in mE!!!!!!...

I need to u to understand that i was with ur love ones is bcoz i just wnated to help them with their problems and i wanted to c thier happiness wif u and for our frenship that its.. when my fren r happy.. means Thats make me happy by sharing abit of it.. But all of u are selfish!!!!!!!.. u dun let even wanted to shred abit of ur happiness wif me.... I KNOW I CAN CHOOSE TO LET THIS THINGS AWAY OFF MY MIND>> BUT WHY I CHOOSE TO THINKS OF IT>> BECOZ IF I FORGET ABT THIS MEANS I can forget abt my happiness and my life.. that the reason y im being this ways.. i cant leave this way when i surpposed to make ppl happy but its seem im the cause of their rotten relationship.. ITs happen in a row non-stop.. maybe the first time i cld stop thinking.. but as it contd i cant!!!!!... i feel like leaving all of it with their love ones... but most ppl are stopping me from doing it.. i cant bear looking at them and beg for me not to go.. but my heart was like being caned!!..

Lastly Im sorry friend.. this y im being this way.. its going to hunt me till the end if it nvr stop.. I dun mean this not to be shared.. but when i wanted to say i just forget when the words at the tips of my mouth that going to speak just gone.. I m sowwie..

Nana,..

I really hope u understand i dun want to be this way..

tc,,
NANA

In seconds i m was lost..

ello.. haix..



hmm i was on9 wif a guy that i add in my msn.. but we rarely tok.. n now.. we get to know each other ,..... well i got certain info abt him.. n he told me he got two licensed motor and car....

So he asked whether tmw im goin out.. so i say i am... whch im not.. he said he wanted to accompany me me.. and wnated to abrg me for a ride at his motorbikes too.. then he even also asked me go drink and smoke along with him.. like give a try together... i feel like wanted to.. coz nvr ever ppl asked me go drink b4.. and this like first time.. And he also a first time so it like we experiened it together.. haix.. but my friend find out ... i not intentionly tell my friend.... and that person goes really mad at me.. now i sacred if that person and others going to scold me.. haix.. and that guy was also said he give me a treat on the drinks.. but then after i realsie.. my fren told me if u rmmber ur other closed fren u better dun do it.. and i also told the guy i dun want go drink with him.. and he like asking me to go with him.. but then i realise My fren is the more important.. n this new person i meet shld not be easily be trusted.. haix.... its ok then.. i think even though now i like alone.. it better i be alone.. bcoz ppl arh bz lately and i cant alwaes depend on them.... Im realli sowie.. butno worries i wont go drink wif him.. i said i dun want dtrongly.. i realise if i do that the thing im destrying is myself and my relationship life.. haix..



IM SOWIE PLS DONT LET ME ALONE....



nana

Old me is better.. new me is so sucks!..

haix!!!!!...

I feel so sad.. i was on9 wif my juior JK.. i cant bare to hear that he said he missed me.. and wanting for me to turn back to secondary sch.. haix.. i miss him cause hes my only friend in my band.. i miss my clarinet SO MUCH!!!!.....

My Life seem hard!! im losting my band which so precious in my heart.. now it making me turn back to my old path,... Band i missed u.. i missed my junior ... i will turn back .. i will buy new clarinet if i cld.. I loves music.. i guessed the past have teaches so many things and they have make me a strong me now here..

but now i guessed strong me have turn me to a wilder way to be stronger.. but i changed to different directions!... i turns to a black wild hearts... theres no nid to say much.. but i nid to turn back to old NOR FARHANAH BINTE ABD RASHID and old NANA.. not now me..

haix... missing my ways.. lost my directions.. yearning my loves...
nana

PART I & PART II of Nana

ello..
i know this kind of long.. but its all true arites.. lately its wat i feel..

PART I: WHY M I BEING THIS WAY

What the meaning of me here..Sick and tired of being unappreciated!.. Its better im off this way, there no use of me standing here... wat for??... When i feel unappreciated at all... I feel its better im off this way... REally 2 Sick and tired of unappreciated.. =( When im standing here and look at the city...My heart just feel the greatness of loneliness that standing straight... I just a loner, No one know what im going thru..Even though i share wat the used?!... i can feel that im becoming bad gal!!!!... Nw feelin like wantd to go d..... N tat it just be bad, Whats the point being good n u r not feet appreciated, its better i be bad, atleast i know no one care,there so dark heart in me till i cant pull old me back... i m so heartless!!..

Haix... I go thru alot of sadness n cryness, i guess its time for me to goes deeper changes!.. i guess no one cld help me now!.. i was drown alone in my black heart.. i cant cry anymore, there no more tears left in me.. if i got back.. that all the coz of a black heart in me.. if i had to change old me, theres alot of path that i have f gone thru , but i guess it, juz impossible... old me f gone.. im change damn far!..

From Silient of me and cheerful.. till the lost in me that too far for me to turn back..Even i turn down on many ppl... i wont balme them for ignoring me bcoz whu can tolerate a person like me?.. I can feel a wind is accompany by my side whenever or whatever im at!... Haix, there nothing cld be done as it alredi fate.. All euphoria(happiness) in me have gone.. and old nana have gone for good.. IM NOT EMO!, but its all true.. When im in the city i feel that im smaller than any other else...


PART II: Over me again??!!!
ello..

from bad to...

Even Worsed!.. when my closed fren Sufian have quarrel with his GF over me!!...

I cant get it why does ppl alwaes jealous of me?.. it was a wrong if i be closed to my friend that already got theirselve a stead?... If NOT!!.. WHY... WHY... WHY!!!!.... , why must they quarrel over me?... I tiring to be nice and help ppl that needs me.. and when i help them.. i was the one at risk!!!... PPL pls understand i got NO MORE Friends.. who r there.. they r the one i have.. i cant stand it anymore.. when ppl quarrell in their relationship is over me!!!... I can feel instead of being a helper.. i can feel that i bcoming a relationship rottener!!!!... I have faced this not onlly with this fren but several already... Haix.. God If this keep happening.. i guess i have to fuck off from everybody lifes!!, i will be alone... and let me contd new my life alone without frens... i cant stand all this.. im happi to see my fren happy in their relationship and i just wanted abit of thier smile of happiness to be shared with me.. if i the coz or their sadness it better i don't be here anymore.... I m sorry friends.. i been crying and tired to look for other way for solution.. but i guess maybe i will go on with being alone.. if there no way out for me... Now i guess no one can help me after all.. I prefer being alone searching myself my own happiness... I know my life alone wld be a horrible thing its just like i surrender myself to the wild..

Nana

aka

black heart!

Where r u??.. haiz u r my truly...

Yesterday nite, it like a sad day for me...


It was because Alif and yana going to celebrate thier 3rd anniversary today.. and its like i was being alone by myself then....

Poor2 me..

Being alone and all alone..

i wasnt allowed to walked alone.. and wasnt allowed by alif and yana.. for my own good..

The reason they do tis.. due to my sick with juz recovered.. which not fullly recovered..

I juz wonder where can i go.... hmmm its like so bored.... if i just go home straight... haix...

anyone wld like to accompany me??...

hmm.. then yesterday i get anonymous msg from sound.. that sy " i wait for you to stead with me or something...?" haiz.. juz keep wondering who..however who it is... i hope the person being truthfully and face and say the truth... not by playing hide and seek and keep myself wonder who was the person...., i don bother to know either... and at the yesterday nite.... i was chat with another new person.. whch Yana's God Brother.... well we juz have a normal conversation.. as i got nothing much to say abt myself... haix.. then my friendster like was affected background virus... it cant be opened... and i damn worried....


TODAY,...

WHy i dreamt about u...?

Where r u?

why u r coming in my dreams?, i been callling ur name when i saw u but u juz ignored me.. in the dream....

and why werent we juz met in the real life?..


I miss u.. , its like 8 years we been sperated...

why i didint give u that chance... why that the last time we met just a welcoming smile...

i know i rejected u past years.. i do that becoz i was not understanding ur heart... it like everything was clear in my mind... we go reccess together.. From u i start to advising ppl.. and i still doing it till now.. its like u r my very first fren which approuch my helped... and tell me ur feeling.. On that very day.. we like a gd best fren.. i stilll keep ur pic.. ur name still fresh in my mind....i got a new best fren wif helmi and present ppl i met.. but unluckily we cant last long... like we last our friendship... i know i hurt ur hurt badly... but now i wanted to pay for very drip of ur blood whch fall on the floor because of me... I make u cried... i know i feel bad.. u like the first guy that admire me... even we saw each other a few months ago.. we just smile... and u were with a girl.. i not sure whether it ur fren or ur GF.. but however if she was ur GF... i hope she will make u happy.. as i already pray for ur happineess for the last 8 years... and i also rmmberd my words that i say to u... " mudahan2 awak akan dapt pompan jauh baik dari kiter.." i feel so guilty of saying that and u say to me "Dulu nuriadah yg hancur kan hati kiter.. skrg awak lak.. kenper org suker sakit kan hati kiter"... i cried when u say that... everyday after sch we wait each other at sch gate... and we go home together....

But if only i cld return to our past and i wld accept ur love.. coz now i realize...no one can gib the pureness friendship of gal and boy,my first step to dvising ppl, and my first admire.. .....

and ur friendship with me like a pure.. when everything changed after i hurt ur feeling.....

I still remmber the smile we give each other for tej last few months.. if we meet.. i wld like to spend our time.. like the days we had last time...

even after we come back the farewell party in pri sch.. and u say maybe we cld go on in a study grp... and that the last time we saw each other...


MUSTAPHA BIN KAMARULZAMAN,..... Ur named are here.. in my heart... pls come back..

i miss u fren..



And now i got frens that alwaes being with me/casual.. Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Sufian,Rufian,Safwan,Aidil,Safwan,Lin Han,Lin Bin,Wei Chien,Edwin,Safri..and family....( i dont want to lost this ppl.. they the ppl that only i have at this moment..even ther some i not really closed with.. but they have being there and be a nice fren wif me.. n i shld treasure them ..)

*To ppl that reading my blog... Im sorry if any parts o my words hurt u,... despite from this story.. i learned to respect ppl feeling.. and trying not to hurt anybody else.. this one guy i hurt already make me regret...


*nana*

im change.... =(

Nana smile have gone,

elllo...

Today i check my frenster and i received comment from my cuz.. she say im changed.. n i try to aske my fren.. yana and alif.. and they agreed.. they say.. im like not having much fun or not really me.. and i rough on my words... i like to do stupid stuff.. and more.. i can bear listen anymore.. im changed alot!!!!!!
i admit i myself skip or to be exact cabut class even my classmate edwin asked.. im i ok?.. i just hate myself!!!!!!!!!.. y i being such a i***t!!!! .... i think i lost my interest in study... and i lost my concerntration!!!!!.. i changed!!!... I know i hurt ppl around me!!!.... i advice on others but i the one the give up with myself!!!!!.. thx to them to telling me the truth.. im grateful to have them arnd to alert me... but now i hope it not too late for me to change...truth is i lost my concerntration in my course now.. its like 0% in my mind abt my course.. im worried.. bt maybe i try to get the rid of my worried by being a bad girl!!.. i escape class.. i come late for lesson.. and i can c ppl also dun even bothered abt me anymore..... i dun blame them for doing that bcoz if i was them i will do the same thing too.. and my family nvr knows what happent to thier dearest daughter and sister.. this girl here have changed ... she no longer regconised.. i hurt many ppl.. i hurt my classmate i usually hang out... i hurt my frens, i hurt my cuzzin.. and my teacher.. edwin told me.. Y u like this?.. i got no answer to say to him.. bt i know i alrady hurt him ..... wat i feel now days... im lost.. i admit i cut my hand... i do even hangout wif ppl that throw bad influence to me( outsider ppl) but dun blame them its me myself not he or her.. i go out by myself... i think when the time im alone.. im finding myself back.. i think im finding peace to my mind.. . ppl even advice me to fin myself a BF so i cld shared my prob with him.. but i juz.. cnt think directly now... i nid someone to be my backbones...bt i dun want to have BF juz to throw my prob the him.. and i belive i cld do it on my own... even i feel badly i tried my best to stand up back.. sorrie to my frens.. no worries nana will fight to be old her....


tc.. im sorry...

*nana*

memories in me wont fade just like a wind,

To the Dearest..
I feel lost... I can feel the emptiness in me.. I can feel something not right..
what ever it was.. i know why i feel this way.. i just wld like to pray the best for them.. Theres nothing i cld do now.. rather than surrender my fate to God.. It was because no one knows what we feel accept for Him.. I pray hard and hopes all this come in a solution and end with a peace way.... What i cld say is I apologise.... Today what was i been thinking is only about them.. nothing else....I wonder what will my life be?... I surrender everything.. my fate,luck,happiness even life story to Him now.. i cant think of any other thing.. now what i been think what are they been doing lately now...however i alwaes pray that they will be fine and doing well ....

tc to all my friends if u are readin my blog...



" theres nothing i cld do just to wish the best to u both...i will alwaes pray for the best to u both...I apologise.."


*nana*

To my dearest friend.. Yana and Alif..

I will not bother you both again.. I will scarifice for the sake of gaining your trust back. I apologise, If what im done have hurt you both. I rather hurt you both, rather then you questioning my turst towards you. It was because it hurts me even more.. I do apologise if i change my attitude.. But theres nothing i cld do rather than go back to my old ways.. I dont blame anyone,accpet myslef.. It was because i the one make u questioning my trust... I know i love u both alot!!!!.... but i cant stay around u both anymore.. I wont forget the times we enjoyed together.. yana and alif.. u both means so much to my life...... Pls do take care yourself... in no matter what happen.. my spirit is wif u both alwaes.. i apologise i might not able to be there when u both nids me.. But u have to put the faith in God now.. I will no more there for u both... i see this all before.. i dont want it to happened again...., no matter what happens im still ur fren.. i alwaes somewhere in u both.. thanks, for bringing, and sharing ur joy with me.. and shared ur smile wif me.. i really appreciated it alots!!!!.. I wantd to do this for the sake of all of us good... pls dont asked why i react this way.. what im doing is a scarification for ur relationship... i cldnt afford to see ur relationship fall aprt juz becoz of me... because i cant afford to lost my precious fren in my life..... Illyana and Aliff.. this might the last msg of me to u both... i will not contacting u guys for some time .. Pls leave me alone.. i do this to gaining ur trust back!!..(cries)......... I really wantd to apologise.. from the top of my hair to the bottom of my toe.. I will alwaes rmmber u guys in my heart... Thanks for all ur concerns, and ur friendship that u throwed non stop to me.. .. lastly

gdbye..
takecare my friend..

my pray alwaes wif u both*
tc..

" To Yana and Aliff.. aku mintak maaf atas keputusan aku buat.. .. maafkan lah.. .. aku dah alami semua dgn Yiling gan Eugune... aku tak nak kiter smapi jadi musuh mcm aper terjadi pada aku dgn drg.... dari itu lebih baik aku yg mengundur diri.. dari krg.. Aku memohon keampun kpd korg..tc.. Assalamualaikum"

.

1st Raya, is rotten!!!,

ello..

Today the 1st Syawal, ,most family will go out in the morning and visit thier families and relatives.. but not for me... i didnt ... i stay at home.. i go no one house.. or either ppl come to my house... i dont feel today like raya.. but i know the fact that today is raya.. they having great time.. but not me.. but before Ramadhan left me.. i cried badly.. i just wonder why??, i never cries if Ramadhan left me.. but i dunnoe why i cry this year.. my heart sank deeply to the bottom of my heart.. and its worsen on the 1st Syawal...I just wonder.. why this month i feel this way.. i kept asked myself the answer, y,....y,.....y....,???.. Is this my last Raya??.. Or last Ramadhan???.. i tried my very best not to think of this .,... but it leave me no choice now.. to think of it...My heart sometime feel empty... i admit i wore.. baju raya,make kuih for Raya and even prepared for raya.. but i wonder y i dun feel it(Raya season)!!!.. haiz.. and weird is..usually when Raya season i will nvr be this hyper..eg do preparation,... and its so weird...the only thing i feel is Ramadhan leave me, but theres alwaes a fate behind it.... i hope tmw will brighten my day.. Nvr asked why i was tested this way... I also dun want to asked... i wantd to see the future.. what the answer is to all my conclusions.... I will patiently wait... for the answer to my conclusion.. If there still no answers, theres nothing i cld says, btw I would to say goodbye to Ramadhan.. and ello to Aidilfitri... even though i dun feel ur presence.. but atleast i know u r there.... i damn sorry... But i cant lied myself..i cant run from the fact that im feeling.. I cant put a fake smile and spread...If u read this.. pls totally ignore my feeling... there nothing u cld do.. when the fate already shows.. when ur heart is empty.. there no point to cheer it,.. it mgt help.. but the pain or emptness will be remain..but i will appreciate what u have done... If i have says something that hurt u,... i really apologise... and pls accept it.. have a great day arites!!... If u have a smile which u know is real and not a fake, go spread it.. bcoz it will works on others that got sames feeling has u too..Lastly i sorry


SeLamAT HAri RayeR!

GoodBye RAmAdhan...

Nana.

Y i shld be here?,, when i can be "there"?

Ello..

I m gald F Alonso won!!... ..


I wonder y suddenly, i feel i wasnt needed in my family..I just dunnoe y.. Some how its remind me of someone closed to my heart.....I dunnoe y.. but i can feel.. i wanst needed for my family.. shld i go?... but i dunnoe y.. i feel tat i not supposed to be here... but i got no where to go.. My life seem.. so small.. I got some friends that kept me accompany.. and my family is getting far to me.. they nvr wanted to know me.. i feel like wat im opinion.. is against them and they make me feel like im a ungrateful child.. so wat the use of me staying here. if my opinion is alwaes a rude to them.. I feel i got no right to speak... I feel that wat im done is alweas wrong in thier eyes... I wasnt trust by them.. I feel that i kind of outsider sometime.. I nid trust!... i want trust!!.. but t it wasnt given me chance.. Brother!.. its hard for me.. to be in your place... If only i cld see u.. i wanted to tell u.. how much i miss u.. for 17 years!!!.. i yearned for u loved..
no one wld replaced u in my heart..... i will wait till we unite arites..So if u saw the scars in my hand its means i harming myself .. to be wif u...

I nvr forget ya..

MY wonderful day is yesterday!

ello....

Yesterday i mit my fren after school.. we go play pool to have fun and drag our day out...
and then my another fren come and join us... then we go to my fren house because he want to changes cloth.. so we all take 38 to Tamp interchange and slowwly drag ourselves to the next destination...

WE reach already.. im not comfrotable actully when go to my fren house.. but then they really make me feel welcomed.. And my fren have a little sis and a little bro.. my fren sibling was so approauchable.... they very frenly and nice... I break fast at mmy fren house.. since the mum invite to break fast over.. she told me she feel so delightful that i was able to joined them along. .. i also feel really happy for able to break fast wif them. after that my fren show most of his drawing collection.. im gald to see it.. he have a great talent artist for drawing anime.. as myself i cant even draw as great as him..... however i told him that can he teach me drawing.. and he said oneday he will teach me.. and wat he nid is, me to prepare the stationary for drawing.. after breakfast.. we waited together to go out.. as my fren have to sent me back home as orders from his mum.. and his mum going to a fren house...

We waited at the busstop and wait.. to go back to Tamp interchange.. after tat my throat feeling like eating a corn cup.. so we go a pasar mlm near by the tamp... and i buy for him as well.. we walk and eat .. after a walk he decided to sit so we take a sit and relax for awhile... after that go to the tamp mall and then he sent me to my house blk... and he go home... when i reach home i can feel that yesterday was the wonderfull day .. for me to spent wif his fren,fam and himself.. i hope we wld be gd fren H.....I

nana

ello.. today i dont talk much... hmm maybe i guess i got no topic to say.... well my day gone slow abit today.. nothing much.. but today i saw most of my friends......

But im sure feel peace today.. it was what i wanted...

Today... I feel the simple life of me...

Nothing much.. relaxed... and mostly peace...

I wont say lonely.. its was because i might get used to be alone.. so to me i prefer more thinking and less talking... Its no use of talking alot. .. That why i prefer peace... i could relaxed my mind and myself too...

But ppl wll say im Emo.... but its not i just prefer to listen song.. that me.. a simple life..

I alwaes hear music to make my mood...

But today i can feel the peace in me... i feel more me.. actually my type of person is a quiet girl.. i wont talk much usually ... i will even more quiet if theres more ppl... its just me...

if ppl dont see my true colour they will know im a quite girl...

i feel so relax..


finally this the moment i been waiting for....

*NaNa*

Was that u, i have been searching for??

Today was a happiest of all i guess.... After school i go Tamp Mall.. and when i just across the road.. i saw my long lost friend!!! Mustapha!!!... I have been hoping to see him.. and i got.. we look in each other.. he smiles at me.. so do i... HE smile till he turns his back on me... And then my fren asked.. "who is that guy that smiling at u??"... i said that was my "friend".. .. i so happy to see him back.. even though he walk with a girl by his side.. maybe his GF or friend.. but he still have that time to give a welcoming smile... I really miss him.. its my dream to see him again.. bcoz we have a precious moment that its hard to forget.. but i alwaes saw his younger sister.. now im happy to saw him... Even thought not a single word we said.. but that smile we showing have given alots of explanation to each other.... I do hope we mit once again... and this time we have a long day to chat and recalled our days....

However I happy... i really hope he have a great life......

yaww!!! sleepy bye2

gtg

Nana's life

This year i really hope i wld find.. my true2 love... That someone who will be there for my needs... i hope that i would be peace at last and nvr think of wild solutions or answers again.. but i hope the guy that conquered my heart is someone that we are mean for each other... not for a reason...

Why everything involve with love....

Actually have been kind of long time i been single.. but i was tested by friendship problems... and alots thats links to it.....i thgt when i be single i would be free and happy wif my way and not nid for me to worry about anything else....

Now this year... i m free from friendship problem.....
But then love problem thats next that disturb me... I cant relaxed.... ITs so make me stress.....
MY head is like wanted to explode... IT was becoz of it... I thgt i could relax.. happy and most importantly be free!!!!!!
but it was a mistake... i was tested all kind of love crisis....

But i wont give up.. i hope i will solved it... even though its tough.. but i got no choice .. i cant escaped or even run.. means i running from the facts... and its will still hunt me nomatter wat....

I wont stop thin kof the answer... but mostly i nid is *Peace* to think....

I tried not to bother others.... bcoz theyr might have thier own prsonal problem which might not solved yet.....

I will try standing.. i hope i will find my true love and hopes that the answer to stop all this stress and unrelaxed mind....

Love is so hard to rexist!!!!

but its even more hard to let go...

hope i find the correct answers

*nana*

I wanted this person to know im really2 sorry

Today i really dont know what have gone into me. I cant control my emotion today. I really regret for what i have say today. I said out alots of vugalrities to my friend. And i surprises when i say that word as i was playing a wireless game with him.. I said the vugalrities as he keep hitting my character..and he shock look at me for what i say...and then i say im really sorry..

I slapped my mouth for saying those words a few times... It was beacuse for my type of person, its hard for me to say out these word unless im really2 angry..

But i feel bad ,, i cant believe it.. just because of a game i throw out all my anger and vugalrities to him...

Even though i know im not mean it.. But it makes me feel bad to say it to him just because of a game stuff...

Haiz.. i think now i should learn to aware of what im saying..

Its hard to say vugalrities when your tougue are not train to do so..

But i really2 dont feel good for what im saying.... evn though i at a angry situation..

Now i have to learn how to manage my anger... i cant just let this habit to continued....

however i wanted this person to know i m really2 sori.. even though i know he not going to view my blog.. i still wish he will forgive me...


IM REALLY2 SORRY FOR MY 'WORDS" TO YOU

=(

Do u found a key??.... Its might be mine...

A LOST KEY!!!!!!



I cant find the key of my heart, that closed tight.....



I wonder where was the keys ends?...



Its is still with me... which i cant find it??....



Or its out there wandering around to heals itself...


Where ever the keys is... its have make me hunger for its love....


Im tired of people keep saying im stead with someone which im not OR like someone which im not ( but its true sometimes)....


I believe the key of my hearts will return when i found someone that i love....


But i cant lie myself, inside of me wanted someone to make sure im secure,happy,love and being take care of...

But i cant just force my heart to love someone just because i need to fulfill inside of me needs...


I believe when sun without cloud... its will be weird... same goes to Heart and Self needs

when theres Sun and cloud .. its will shade the glaring light of the sun...

when there Heart and Self needs.. i guess i got nothing to lose...

However its is.. i guess this not the first time im lost the key....

I hope to find the key.... I wont force myself to find it... Because Its wont be a true love....

Btw do people actully really know what true love really means??....

Theres will be plenty of answers.. but for my....


A love thats come in it owns way, and attached the both couple hearts together... No matter how long, how far, or how deep the couple was tested.. they will meet/stayed nomatter what....
Even death wont seperate them apart....


I will continued walk at the path of hearts.... till i found the end of its...... Even though its hard to controll this feeling... but i believe i will overcome it....

Hie ....

Today i did the most important thing that i surpposed to end it....
Even though i end it with a sad or a gulity feeling.. atleast now im feeling better...
Its hard to say out at first.. but i go on slowly.. I believe my heart was told to say out my feeling ... im not sure whats oging to come next in my life.. but i m looking forward to face its with full heart, and never stop praying to wish it end nicely....

I hope now i could smile and be happy....
Its hard to say all this thing when especially when u r in the middle of it....
But i did it... finally.....



I hope my life would be a better me...

Bye2
gtg to sleep early for tmw early wake up...
=)

Z.z.z..z

Now Days, I alwaes dont think straight, i get angry easily. I dont feel right lately what is the nature trying to telling me.. My prob havent solved yet.... The problem matters keep playing on my head... Even though i feel abit peace at home but i know i cant resist it.I wonder if i was tough enough to face alll this....

I wonder What will happen when school reopen....
Would i be happy,Sad,Angry,moody or others emotions...
I wish i could be the old me....


If in your right hand there is GOld and your Left hand there is Diamond
Which will you chosed?

As for me i have to think the consequences before taking any of them.....
I must think which is the more benefit


No matter what challenges is waiting, i wont give up to fight it!

Hey Today i accompany Naim to Katong Road... He's taking his no 1 uniform...

And since my sister's workplace is just at the 2nd Storey of the building... We decided to dropped by... After about 45 mins we go off.. to our unsure destination which is Parkway Parade.... We just wandering in the mall doing absolutely nothing... After that we decided to take a nice break at the East Coast Beach .... We Sit at the rock... And day dreamt.. With a strong Wind that blowing our hair.. As i SIngs something to relax... He susguested we should bring extra clothes for swim.. hahaha then we decided to continued to walk at the park ... He asked me to try Roller Blading... hahah Which i dont mastered... He Said he willing to teached me.... but then i still stubborn keep saying i dont want..... =). So SInce that we go eat at MacDonald.... .After eating.. We headed homes straight since he very concerning about my mum that left alone at home... SO we took bus home... When we reached home he said he wanted to borrow using my comp... so i said go ahead then... AFter getting really bored... I wanted to sing... I sing out loud... And after that he joined to fun too... after awhile my dad come back from worked.. Then he wanted to take his leave... so that its.... my Day for today... nothing much.... But Whenever i going out with him theres will be fun.... I hope tomorrow would be a better day for me and my mum... Staying home with her kind of bored... I WANTED A VACATION!!!! hehehe

SO that its..

bye2

*nana*

Hey Good Morning..
Hawww. . ..
Im sleepy...

Today we have a family Day out... Im not active.. I being so no energy.. Its was because i havent eat anything... We go to Sim Lim Square... My sis wanted to buy a camera... so we all just followed..

I done nothing much today... i updating my blog .... Find a disc to copy to my video.. which drives me nuts... i tried my very best... but still cannot.. Haiz.. Btw Im tired these days with the stuff i have to do... Doing my sister a favour by helping her wrapped a box, then must help my dad instored song to his brand new MP4.. And do the video thingy... Event though it doesnt use and Perspirering .. but i use a mental physical which more tiring.. i never give up and keep trying... Holiday kind of bored... Sitting at home and doing chores was so boring...But sometime i do something else..Actually i got alot of stuff that i have to do... But i prefer not to do them so.. hehehe.... Btw I wonder what will my friend look when school reopened will they changed in behaviour?... attitude???.... or more... But i do hope they remain the same.. So of them changes when school closed.. because maybe got alot of problem that they are facing... As human always changes.... I hope they having a great time.... i hope that with new school term .. there will be a good fine day..

I wish to all the best

*nana*

I m on holiday now..
Today i looked back the pictures in my secondary schools life and primary pictures. When i look those pictures my heart sanked.. Actually after i graudated from Primary I never ever turn back and visit the school.. Deep in my heart i really wanted to come back.. but its like something stopping me to do so... I miss all my friends, Its still freshed in my mind of my friends name. i miss them.

Same goes for Secondary school friends, I remember when im still in Dikir Barat Team. We faced alots of challenges, the most i miss in secondary school life is my Band.My Band was a COP band.. But i remembered we all strived hard to improved. However we faced alots critic comments. Unfortunately, i was all alone a band member in my class there afew but they quit. I remember my first instrument was introduced to me.. I now learned that music cant be sprated from my blood. Now I always dreamt about my band and my primary friends. I miss all of them.. I hope i could turn back all the time. I would like to thanks all teachers that have teached me.. I realised when i grow older I have to learned to let things go.. But this things will be kept closed to my heart. I never forget all of its.

My great Pal Mustapha, primary friend, he admire me.. I wonder where was him.. I do remembered i told him "i hope you will find someone better than me". at that time i cried badly as i told him this.. Where in the world he could be..We meet back during primary 6 reunited, we still good friends we even say maybe we would meet each other for study in the library, after that moment till now i never saw him again.. Its hard to lost a good pal like him.. but then know he have a good life now..


In Secondary, I almost like a quiet girl, i rarely talked. I talked alots to people that i know closed only, im changed since sec three when i cant convince my parent to have turst on me. And its really hurt me. I used to be a obidient girl but after my dad always misjudged me. i change to be a wild girl i became rude and ungrateful child. i know what im done is so wrong, But i do this to get thier attention. I have a great bestfriends and a girl backstab me, from that moment i became even worst. I confornt with her and have a slow talk i know i scold her badly. From that moment i dont believe in "BESTFRIENDS" . But now we a good friend, but i never forget what she have doned to me till now. But in secondary 4 i was all alone.. i got no one.... i was a loner..


Its was because the past teached me alots... Sorry for those who know me as a "innocent girl" but after all i got a darkest history which no ones can feel accept me. I was like a piece of old newspaper that flys in the street being roll over car wet in the rain and dry in the sun. and getting torn here and there slowly i will vanished after time past..



Life of me is dark.. MY heart is red
When i hear the growling dog bark.... im afraid
Holding tights to myself.... nodded down to my body
I cried in the night... when no body hearing..

I hurt myself day and night
when no ones found the scar which in my heart
Stand in smile to all friends
Actually i was throwing its fake to cheer them great
I do cruel things in the actions
Actually i was gulity in person

Im shouting alone when no one hearing
Say out my angers in the air to relief my feelings
Saying this every day till nights
"WIll i be alive tommorrow or i will die?"
"i cant faced your challenges world"
"as im not strong to faced this all"
"however i know i forcing it"
"which im doing is killing me"
" i standing proud with confidence"
"cause i know every challenges"
"makes me even better person"

*Nana*

Hey today normal day... poor thing that my teachere Mr Lim was hospitalised.It affected our lesson.. but then we still have a great day.

But then i miss someone so much, but is good after all so that i no need for me to put any hope in
him.. I dont want to be a silly person. I missed my life from past years.. since that my life changes alot..untill i bearly remembered what have the past teaches me.


I having a nice begining year, i proud to start it at a good life. I hope new year in 2008 will give me new hope and inspiration and new goals. I do hope some day magical happen.Maybe a long love relationship,friendship and loving family. I do hope some day i could catch up with my lesson.. since my lesson start i can hardly understand.


Kae gtg bye.


Nana