Its 2011, i really hope after i lost my China Iphone, i wont be able to contact my past and get back to them, caused seriously i wanna moved on,. and refrain from repeating it because i could cry when i look back those mistakes I'm done..
done.. But what have don't cant be repeat, so now i reaaly2 hope God will show me the right path and his guidance, i a human being that fill with weakness, i need his greatness to showed the way.. and hopefully he will.. Amin..
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Read back your diary,see what i m in my pasts..
Today. when i read back all my past, i realized there's so much i gone through.. I've been through to the worst stage.. As i read all it back, i can see in certain road in my life, i cant make the right decisions, i can't be tough enough to stop things that not supposed to be happening.. i let people to used me, i lets love to blind me in the dark, and worst i behaving like a slu,heartless and etc.. Ouh Gosh i cant believe it, i've been so lost..
But God im really regret of my doings, maybe that why karma comes around.. Please help me, i don't wish any of my past to repeats again., haiz.. Enough i been a fools in my past..
Is there a door for me to clear my mistakes?, if there is i will enter that door, and take the prices i have to pay.,
My Past has so much to pay...Im disappointed myself with my wrongs doing, n feel so low valued.. But somehow my past are also the one that teaches me something abt lifes, Learned from my mistakes, n never repeats!, But for all the stuff i been through this is what im becoming today, Never betray Trust..
Dear Pasts,
You're my life story,
You know what i been through,
You are the witness of those little & huge mistakes
that i've done.,but at the same time,
You also the one that witness my hardest stage of life,
You know the pain that i've been enduring all the while,
You see the sacrifices,that i make to pay the prices,
You know the hard decisions i make is out of my will..
Im no better than others, I was once the ex-convicts in the prison,
and im the prisoner of my own pasts,
i convicts worst offenses that the real convicts have done..
My true colors is my pasts, my worst nightmare is my mistakes,
my weakness is my heart, my strongest is my tears,
my awareness is my doings, my hatred is my stupidest decisions,
my anger is my attitude, my taciturn is what in my thoughts
i regards that
My pasts is about my mistakes,but, my future is not to repeat my mistakes,and i will have to continues till the end no matter what happen.
continues walkin..
But God im really regret of my doings, maybe that why karma comes around.. Please help me, i don't wish any of my past to repeats again., haiz.. Enough i been a fools in my past..
Is there a door for me to clear my mistakes?, if there is i will enter that door, and take the prices i have to pay.,
My Past has so much to pay...Im disappointed myself with my wrongs doing, n feel so low valued.. But somehow my past are also the one that teaches me something abt lifes, Learned from my mistakes, n never repeats!, But for all the stuff i been through this is what im becoming today, Never betray Trust..
Dear Pasts,
You're my life story,
You know what i been through,
You are the witness of those little & huge mistakes
that i've done.,but at the same time,
You also the one that witness my hardest stage of life,
You know the pain that i've been enduring all the while,
You see the sacrifices,that i make to pay the prices,
You know the hard decisions i make is out of my will..
Im no better than others, I was once the ex-convicts in the prison,
and im the prisoner of my own pasts,
i convicts worst offenses that the real convicts have done..
My true colors is my pasts, my worst nightmare is my mistakes,
my weakness is my heart, my strongest is my tears,
my awareness is my doings, my hatred is my stupidest decisions,
my anger is my attitude, my taciturn is what in my thoughts
i regards that
My pasts is about my mistakes,but, my future is not to repeat my mistakes,and i will have to continues till the end no matter what happen.
continues walkin..
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Moved on , and moved on.. Be strong.. U will find ur light..
I hope this time round.. im really gonna be strong.. coz i really hoped this time round that i've really2 MOVED ON...
Enough for almost 2years i've been feeling worst of mylife, its time for me to go on with a widely smile on my face..The smile that shows im really2 alright, not a fake smile that to hides those tears i've been keepin inside..
I will missed those memories that i've been thru, however im thankin God for the challenges he bring in me and thankin Him for making me understand and feel that Love not always about holding on, but its also about letting go.. I admit i been enduring the pain that keep hurting and tries to healed at the same time, those pain making me feel so weak.. but as it been healing i've feel so much stronger..n i do hope it stay strong so i cld moved on..
I've to Esplanade yesterday afternoon, i go to City Hall, to relax and calm my mind.. i try to recalled everythg, surprisingly my tears not dropping for like the first time.. coz each time when i recalled my past.. i wld tears and fall.. but its hard for now.. im gald it that way.. i hope i wld be strong.. and faced my life.. i know im strong.. i can make all this..Thank the Mighty God!.. Without his guidance i wldnt be this strong...
and now i heading to positive side of life.. i do hopes God gonna still guide me.. and show me His Ways... =)
Moving on is hard.. its takes ur whole time and lifes to forget and get tough.. nobody cld understand u, how u cld understand urself, You cant rely on others to give u positive support.. u need urself to get up and stand.. ppl cant help u, if u dont help urself.. doesnt matter if u have to changed, bt hope in the end u do get the right way out.. do pray hard from God.. He will shows u the light, Only He know its..
Be strong.. and i hope i wld be strong and moved on.. Let smile conquer my life with ppl that i loved.. =)
Enough for almost 2years i've been feeling worst of mylife, its time for me to go on with a widely smile on my face..The smile that shows im really2 alright, not a fake smile that to hides those tears i've been keepin inside..
I will missed those memories that i've been thru, however im thankin God for the challenges he bring in me and thankin Him for making me understand and feel that Love not always about holding on, but its also about letting go.. I admit i been enduring the pain that keep hurting and tries to healed at the same time, those pain making me feel so weak.. but as it been healing i've feel so much stronger..n i do hope it stay strong so i cld moved on..
I've to Esplanade yesterday afternoon, i go to City Hall, to relax and calm my mind.. i try to recalled everythg, surprisingly my tears not dropping for like the first time.. coz each time when i recalled my past.. i wld tears and fall.. but its hard for now.. im gald it that way.. i hope i wld be strong.. and faced my life.. i know im strong.. i can make all this..Thank the Mighty God!.. Without his guidance i wldnt be this strong...
and now i heading to positive side of life.. i do hopes God gonna still guide me.. and show me His Ways... =)
Moving on is hard.. its takes ur whole time and lifes to forget and get tough.. nobody cld understand u, how u cld understand urself, You cant rely on others to give u positive support.. u need urself to get up and stand.. ppl cant help u, if u dont help urself.. doesnt matter if u have to changed, bt hope in the end u do get the right way out.. do pray hard from God.. He will shows u the light, Only He know its..
Be strong.. and i hope i wld be strong and moved on.. Let smile conquer my life with ppl that i loved.. =)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Im holding my future, coz the past with u still hunting me..
I still can't accept the facts abt us.., i thought i was strong enough to get rid of u, but its opposite, u are too strong for me to get rid of..
Its been 2years past.. I can't believe it, from a instant get to know, we actually been this far.. We might be closed.. however there still boundaries between us.. , the boundaries that can''t be explained.. however i believed u remember everything that happened between us.. it might be just a memories for u.. but its more than just a memories for me..
I tried everything to get rid of u.. despite i tried many times to keep myself away n forgetting abt us.. but i guess God still wanted us to be together..
I want u out from my life. but at the same time, i don't want u to leave.. i don't know what i want.. im so confused!
On 28 July 2010..
AT bugis.. we met.. i requests we met on that day,since im not going for Teakwondo Practices... I meet him after walking around with my Classmate Liyana..Since she have to leave at 6pm, I decided to text him, if he wld want to meet me.. He agreed.. Around 6pm Liyana have to leave n i meet him..So we head to City Hall, so we walked from Bugis to City Hall.. While we walked he asked "Why u wanted to meet me so sudden?" , i said.." I thought u said in your messages u wanted to spent more time with me." then he silent.. coza in my mind was only him..
WE when to Esplanade, we sat and talked.. after awhile he hungry.. so we decided to go dinner.. , we have our dinner at KFC @ Marina Square.. AFter dinner we walked around Marina Square Mall and we when some place quiet that kinda a little peace.. We have so much laugh, and jokes together.. while laughing actually deep inside me was crying.. Its just that we have great time.. we like so closed.. but everything stops just bcoz of ours boundaries.., while i was with him.. on his lap, while he hugging me.. I look to the stars and said to him.. and what i was saying is so random.. not even in my thought.. i said..(in MAlay) " Kalau i takder, u cari kawan lain kay?." He said " U tak nak umpe i lagik?" n i repeat the same questions again.. he silent.. i said.." Kalau i takder u cari kawan lain.. selain i.." then he hug me tight.. as if he don't want to let me go,.. maybe i hurt him with my words.. but i feel that night its so beautiful, coz its the same feeling when we first met each other.. However that gonna be unforgettable night for me..
As we take our move to train at City Hall, i shake hand with him.. but while i shake his hand he was like wanted me to kiss his hand.., but i didnt..
As we gone separate ways to different escalators he look at me and smiled..
That end to our meet that time..
I cant stop thinking.. why does this boundaries have to be between us?.., Its hard to explained.. If said.. people wont undertsnd, and they will definitely blamed me.. if only they know how i felt and how hard i tried not to be blamed at..
There no explanations can be done.. The pictures of fun moments we had gonna always hunt me.. But i guess God fated everything for us.. land i just hope there gonna be a reasons why all this happened between u and me..
Our friendship just like the skyline.. when it was under construction till it fully done now.. we are here together..
Hmm, hope there gonna be a good reasons why things happened this way...
Its been 2years past.. I can't believe it, from a instant get to know, we actually been this far.. We might be closed.. however there still boundaries between us.. , the boundaries that can''t be explained.. however i believed u remember everything that happened between us.. it might be just a memories for u.. but its more than just a memories for me..
I tried everything to get rid of u.. despite i tried many times to keep myself away n forgetting abt us.. but i guess God still wanted us to be together..
I want u out from my life. but at the same time, i don't want u to leave.. i don't know what i want.. im so confused!
On 28 July 2010..
AT bugis.. we met.. i requests we met on that day,since im not going for Teakwondo Practices... I meet him after walking around with my Classmate Liyana..Since she have to leave at 6pm, I decided to text him, if he wld want to meet me.. He agreed.. Around 6pm Liyana have to leave n i meet him..So we head to City Hall, so we walked from Bugis to City Hall.. While we walked he asked "Why u wanted to meet me so sudden?" , i said.." I thought u said in your messages u wanted to spent more time with me." then he silent.. coza in my mind was only him..
WE when to Esplanade, we sat and talked.. after awhile he hungry.. so we decided to go dinner.. , we have our dinner at KFC @ Marina Square.. AFter dinner we walked around Marina Square Mall and we when some place quiet that kinda a little peace.. We have so much laugh, and jokes together.. while laughing actually deep inside me was crying.. Its just that we have great time.. we like so closed.. but everything stops just bcoz of ours boundaries.., while i was with him.. on his lap, while he hugging me.. I look to the stars and said to him.. and what i was saying is so random.. not even in my thought.. i said..(in MAlay) " Kalau i takder, u cari kawan lain kay?." He said " U tak nak umpe i lagik?" n i repeat the same questions again.. he silent.. i said.." Kalau i takder u cari kawan lain.. selain i.." then he hug me tight.. as if he don't want to let me go,.. maybe i hurt him with my words.. but i feel that night its so beautiful, coz its the same feeling when we first met each other.. However that gonna be unforgettable night for me..
As we take our move to train at City Hall, i shake hand with him.. but while i shake his hand he was like wanted me to kiss his hand.., but i didnt..
As we gone separate ways to different escalators he look at me and smiled..
That end to our meet that time..
I cant stop thinking.. why does this boundaries have to be between us?.., Its hard to explained.. If said.. people wont undertsnd, and they will definitely blamed me.. if only they know how i felt and how hard i tried not to be blamed at..
There no explanations can be done.. The pictures of fun moments we had gonna always hunt me.. But i guess God fated everything for us.. land i just hope there gonna be a reasons why all this happened between u and me..
Our friendship just like the skyline.. when it was under construction till it fully done now.. we are here together..
Hmm, hope there gonna be a good reasons why things happened this way...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I miss that "Patrick & Spongebob"..hmm =(
I miss My Spongebob and Patrick badly... i think my hard-work to bring them back as one not gonna come true after all.. The Spongebob (Bob) and Patrick (Pat) i been referring to is my classmate in 2008.. the two clown guys.. now they been quarrel over a matter regarding something..When on 3rd Feb when we having our graduations Pat says " CNY is nearing make an outing?".. then Bob thoughts that Pat wants we plan.. and blah3.. its longs story .. and i barely remembered them..but for sure this where problem come from.. For what i know i have been put in charged for the planning for the outing..
Start due to commenting in Facebook of Pat Girlfriend profile.., the whole thing then pop up.. i try to explain to Pat that Its just a misunderstood cause "Bob mad at Pat cause he himself was not contactable on the day before the outing to confirm whether he going or not?,and Bob don't really mean anything for saying something at fb.."
Bob just a little misunderstood with Pat gf thought of her didn't convey his messages to Pat,cause bob have been contacting Pat thru her.., and i go contact both of them and try to sort things out..
i contact one of the clan at first,asked if she could helped by talking to Pat Gf.. then she gave Pat Gf number, and i explain to her.. cause i having difficulties to contact Pat,and i wanna say it just a misunderstood..Pat Gf helped and told Pat to contact me later on at night..And finally i get to talk to Pat at that night,n i explain.but Pat says "he mad at Bob when in the comment he said Bob kinda a bit rough on his words and the way he sent messages to Pat Gf .."
That where things get continued when third party from Pat side comment.. and blah3..haix..
Hope they get each other mistakes.. but still wondering how will i know that things really fine or not?.. hmm just wait?.. hmm.. but then we (Pat gf and me) wish things may be ok.. but i don't know will things be alright..
I still hoping.. i missed them badly.. haix.. but then who cares about my feeling over here... i m just nothing to them probably.. hm its ok if they refused, i can't forced them to.. but i really missed them.. even though i aware they won't be reading this.. i really loved them as a friends, same goes with others, i don't wish to see the clan go down in the drain due to small things like this. i wish this clan would stay alive forever... but then again which friendship didn't go wrong right?.. hmm i feel so disappointed with them..cause ain't one wanna give in and forgive and forget.. hmm.
hopefully one day things will get better between them..
Nana
=(
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
R u ready?.. Here its comes...
18th Feb was the day.. moment of truth.. whether i was selected to continued my studies in Higher Nitec.. And H*ll yeah!, i was Selected!!.. i m damn happy that glory was on my side.. cause seriously if i wasn't selected in continuing my educations i have to get myself out in the working life... so I m glad that i was given the chance from God to continue.. coz i before the day.. night. i keep praying.. i said " If i wasn't selected to continue in my studies, please do give me a proper job to support my life" and i always hope i could to continue..n yes!...
But unfortunately, like my previous last2 post.. i wish if things could be like last time.. but i can't expect things to be the same when the year and situation changed wasn't isn't?.. so yes or no.. i have to try to adapt a new situation and new classmates.. i gonna missed my last year classmate badly..but i hope that i will get new classmate same as the two "clowns" hehe joking2...Someone like happy go lucky and make silly jokes like Dil.. and a best ever partner for project Ian..the same thing they have in common is "RANDOM Thought" and i can't deny the rest like Yana..Alif..Rufi.. and etc.. i really gonna missed them.. hm..
Now i have arnd a month +/- to get prepare.. and then here my April ITE life begin.. Its gonna be so much different.. with the old friends that used to be.. I do wish 2010 classmate gonna be the same as my 2008 classmate!!... I miss them!!!.. Haifz senior and Junior, Thameem.. Safwan..Lin Han and Bin.. Wei chien, Eugene..Yi Ling..Safri.. Stathish.. and all.. hmm but then.. again.. i must adapt to new situation now,,, hope i could get even more friends.. and we will "JIWA BEB!" haha.. Lame!.. hmm i wish it will be true... and I not gonna forget my last year partner in crime easily.. they will always be there in one place my heart...and hope my new April Classamte gonna be happy go lucky.. adapt with each other, shared one heart.., and hope i will have a good friend by my side... hmm i not gonna forget my last year friends.. hmm
Time changed,World changed... things can't be the same... Life can't be stopped.. so like it or not.. it have to carried on... Now i feeling like wanna hug Ian, and Dil for being my best classmates!.. and i hug, yana ,alif ,rufi and all for make my 2008 and 2009 a memorable ones.. hmm haix..
I really iwsh i could continued April Intake 2010 in ITE with them all AGAIN!,.. hmm
I gonna miss u gals/guys badly!.. I MEAN IT BADLY!!..hmm
=(
Nana
But unfortunately, like my previous last2 post.. i wish if things could be like last time.. but i can't expect things to be the same when the year and situation changed wasn't isn't?.. so yes or no.. i have to try to adapt a new situation and new classmates.. i gonna missed my last year classmate badly..but i hope that i will get new classmate same as the two "clowns" hehe joking2...Someone like happy go lucky and make silly jokes like Dil.. and a best ever partner for project Ian..the same thing they have in common is "RANDOM Thought" and i can't deny the rest like Yana..Alif..Rufi.. and etc.. i really gonna missed them.. hm..
Now i have arnd a month +/- to get prepare.. and then here my April ITE life begin.. Its gonna be so much different.. with the old friends that used to be.. I do wish 2010 classmate gonna be the same as my 2008 classmate!!... I miss them!!!.. Haifz senior and Junior, Thameem.. Safwan..Lin Han and Bin.. Wei chien, Eugene..Yi Ling..Safri.. Stathish.. and all.. hmm but then.. again.. i must adapt to new situation now,,, hope i could get even more friends.. and we will "JIWA BEB!" haha.. Lame!.. hmm i wish it will be true... and I not gonna forget my last year partner in crime easily.. they will always be there in one place my heart...and hope my new April Classamte gonna be happy go lucky.. adapt with each other, shared one heart.., and hope i will have a good friend by my side... hmm i not gonna forget my last year friends.. hmm
Time changed,World changed... things can't be the same... Life can't be stopped.. so like it or not.. it have to carried on... Now i feeling like wanna hug Ian, and Dil for being my best classmates!.. and i hug, yana ,alif ,rufi and all for make my 2008 and 2009 a memorable ones.. hmm haix..
I really iwsh i could continued April Intake 2010 in ITE with them all AGAIN!,.. hmm
I gonna miss u gals/guys badly!.. I MEAN IT BADLY!!..hmm
=(
Nana
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Love have extroardinary powers!,. its could kills and cure..but if u know how to used it.. it could bring some happiness and guidance in life!!..
Things never been prefect for me for the past years, I been facing many up and downs for the past 3 years of my teens life... I don't know how can i describe this feeling.. For me after all three years i been suffering from many kinds of life crisis, but one of the crisis i phobia to faced in was Love...
I was like so afraid to believe in Love again, i don't know why this feeling that i feel almost for 4 years being single.. i been trying hard not to questions why.. Its like i been hurt many times,.. one after another keep coming to me..all kind of attitude and behavior that drive me crazy and even make me cry..
I know i was imperfect person, but i know one thing that i will make it all perfect when comes to love, i will give my trust,happiness,love,care,concern and my soul to him.. I just need one guy to be there for me and share this values together for our relationship..i just want a guy to be with me for eternity..But then love never make it easy for me..
Last relationship just go over in the drain,promises all thrown down to the sea.. He make me promise so many things together, But again i was blind by his sweet promises.. I been crying all nights after losing him.. and questioning what makes it all go this way.. he was so cruel living me alone, with those unanswered questions in my heart.. Till the guy that named S** come and comfort me.. and tell me not to think of my past relationship that make me sad till now.. He told me to move on.. and be strong.. He bring those confidence in me back and forget all about my bad past relationship,he said i shouldn't think about it and hold back my life now...I deserve a better life..i admit i do regret to be love again due to my last relationship,and other love crisis been hunting me at the moment.. but then again.. i forget we were just friends nothing more... However, i keep bring my own smile to my face.. and get to the place that make me smile and relax even though im alone there, to me the wind was my companion.. and the one that accompany me where ever i go..
Feel like never wanted to love again.. Its hurt me internally..,but then its nothing could be done..We should learn from the past.. but my heart just l don't want to hear about love for now.. maybe its closed its door for really special someone..When my heart found the special someone, which is the right guy with the right keys.. maybe i will be in love again..
I feel happy with my family and friends by my side..i love them very much for making those little smiles on my face..I hope i make theirs too.. they always specials in my heart in some ways..
Life experiences, always teaches something. Either it good or bad you decide it where can you used it for. Keep those sad feeling away, just smiles and have fun with family and friends..Its could be a medicine to cure your heart.. =)
Lastly,Im not celebrating it on 14th Feb 09.. this for u..
Happy Valentines Day.. to couples out there..
Nana =)
I was like so afraid to believe in Love again, i don't know why this feeling that i feel almost for 4 years being single.. i been trying hard not to questions why.. Its like i been hurt many times,.. one after another keep coming to me..all kind of attitude and behavior that drive me crazy and even make me cry..
I know i was imperfect person, but i know one thing that i will make it all perfect when comes to love, i will give my trust,happiness,love,care,concern and my soul to him.. I just need one guy to be there for me and share this values together for our relationship..i just want a guy to be with me for eternity..But then love never make it easy for me..
Last relationship just go over in the drain,promises all thrown down to the sea.. He make me promise so many things together, But again i was blind by his sweet promises.. I been crying all nights after losing him.. and questioning what makes it all go this way.. he was so cruel living me alone, with those unanswered questions in my heart.. Till the guy that named S** come and comfort me.. and tell me not to think of my past relationship that make me sad till now.. He told me to move on.. and be strong.. He bring those confidence in me back and forget all about my bad past relationship,he said i shouldn't think about it and hold back my life now...I deserve a better life..i admit i do regret to be love again due to my last relationship,and other love crisis been hunting me at the moment.. but then again.. i forget we were just friends nothing more... However, i keep bring my own smile to my face.. and get to the place that make me smile and relax even though im alone there, to me the wind was my companion.. and the one that accompany me where ever i go..
Feel like never wanted to love again.. Its hurt me internally..,but then its nothing could be done..We should learn from the past.. but my heart just l don't want to hear about love for now.. maybe its closed its door for really special someone..When my heart found the special someone, which is the right guy with the right keys.. maybe i will be in love again..
I feel happy with my family and friends by my side..i love them very much for making those little smiles on my face..I hope i make theirs too.. they always specials in my heart in some ways..
Life experiences, always teaches something. Either it good or bad you decide it where can you used it for. Keep those sad feeling away, just smiles and have fun with family and friends..Its could be a medicine to cure your heart.. =)
Lastly,Im not celebrating it on 14th Feb 09.. this for u..
Happy Valentines Day.. to couples out there..
Nana =)
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Its time for the Big changes!, Sorry things have to go by my ways now,, =(
Day after day is still about the same old thing. Home.. Home.. and home.. im getting sick and tired being at home all the time!!..
Its time to wake up!!.. and get rebellious!!.. hahaha.. Gonna be the old Nana.. hehe where rebellious is my way of getting freedom!!.. enough of innocent old me.. hehe.. the time has come.. its time to get things work out as they usually before.. being innocent me not gonna worked.. follow whatever their orders.. when no means No!.. now i gonna work my own way.. where No means YES!!.. haha... its not i wanted to be this way.. but i can't keep listening, and let them give me the orders all the time!.. Im sorry mum and dad.. I love u .. but your way wasn't working for me.. im 18 years old now!.. i wanna my freedom..don't worry i ain't do it for bad.. i gonna used it to fill the things i should see and checked it out and it can't never experiences when im in 20's anymore...
I love u daddy!.. but u all are getting over my head.. and i don't like it.. im sorry.. Pls have faith in me.. and pls give me your trust,., well my teenagers life come once in a life time.. i can't afford to put it to a waste.. and i just wanna enjoy it .. I gonna do it now before its too late to turn back..
I have to fights you guys now.. two against one...i know we are in deeply financial crisis problem.. but time is ticking, i know going out is a waste of money.. but i can't afford to waste the time.. A 60 second i delayed.. its another minutes i won't get back.. Pls understand me.. I love u so much!... but that's the only way..
I m feel sad when people always say i the one that having problem when comes for outing.. Im sick and tired when i was partly the one causes the problem.. Its not easy being me.. However i know part of the reason people been ignoring me it cause im having problem going out.. im don't care much about it.. but then im getting use to it.. being left out its not a normal thing to me anymore.. i can't blame them either for not inviting me.. cause they themselves must sick and tired of my old stupid reasons.. I know people always have bad things to say about me., i don't give a damn.. as long i don't hear it with my ears.. and im happy the way i m is important.. To me in every group im in.. is better being in the middle of no where.. that's the resaon why i don't just stick to one person.. Mixed around is the best.. I gonna changed.. "Oh God Please give me faith for what im gonna do.. and pls showed me the right path.. keep me away from the path of hell.. " so that whenever or where ever im at... im know the path im in is the one is safe and right for me.. "Please give me the faith.. so i could fight for it.. Im doing it for the sake of my teens life.. please blessed me for what i wanted to do.. im doing it a gd thing,just spend time with friends before its all changed and too late for me to regain everything .. please guide me on the path im going.. Dan Insyallah aku boleh buktikan pada sahabatku2 yang aku bukan lagi penyebabnya..Amin.." <<>>
"Bismillahirahmanirahim...Ya Allah Ya TuhanKu, Aku berpinta PadaMu Mudahan2 segala perbuatan ku yang aku lakukan di perkenankan oleh Mu, Bukannya aku lakukan untuk niat yang jahat, ia sekadar hanya hiburan yang aku ingin mengisi di hari remajaku sebelum aku menyesal di hari tua ku..Aku berpinta padaMu Tuhan!, Lindungi la hambamu apabila aku di luar rumahku, and jika aku berbohong pada orang tua ku, ia bukan satu perkara yang aku sesekali ingin laku kan.. tapi ia cumer satunya2 cara buat aku untuk pergi ke tempat yang aku ingin merasainya .. aku berpinta semoga Kau Ya Allah SWT ,bibingla aku ker jalan yang benar.. and jauhkan aku ker jalan yang sesat,.. Dan kelakuan aku ini ialah satu2 nya cara untuk aku mencari kebahagian hidup ku sendiri, sesunnguhnya Kau sahajalah yang mengatahui penderitaan yang aku lalui.. Tidak sesekali aku ingin menjadi anak yang biabab dan anak yg derhaka pada orang tua..Kerana mereka tidak percayai padaku.. sebab itu aku terpaksa bebohong untuk mencari jalan keluar.. and aku cuma berpinta padamu.. lindungi la hambamu sepanjang masa.. memang cara ku agak membahaya dan agak berisiko..Ia menyedihkan aku,yang terpaksa berbohong untuk kebebasan.. tapi ia hanya satunya2 cara yang aku ada.. Puas aku cuba untuk memberi pergertian kepada mereka yang aku ingin kebebasan, tapi ia hanya sia2, demi itu aku berpinta pada mu ya Allah, untuk merahmati setiap pergerakan aku.. Insyallah ..Sesungguhnya Kau lah Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang and Maha Pengatahui..Hanya kepadaMu aku Berpinta and mengadu nasib ku...Tolongla hambamu ini, and aku mohon Kemaafan keatas semua perbuatanku..Insyallah ..Amin"
I have to admit,what im gonna to do is a big risk.. but there no other choice.. Its sad that lying is the way for freedom.. but this is the fact.., pathetic if i think again.. but that is reality.. people always get used with lies rather than the truth.. It was because different parent have different perception,Like i say before its hard being me.. for years i tried to convince my parent and tell them what i want.. its seem so hard for them to get it.. You may give me thousands of ways to say it to my parent.. when the have their own way of perception..that's where no matter what u do, its can't change their way.. so i can't change their way, i gonna change mine.. so Im damn deeply sorry.. i can't stay any more longer in your orders.. i gonna prove you that im old enough for my actions and the way of im taking care of myself.. i do really appreciate you to give me your support and give me your trust... I love you.. but then.. I really sorry..=(
Its time to wake up!!.. and get rebellious!!.. hahaha.. Gonna be the old Nana.. hehe where rebellious is my way of getting freedom!!.. enough of innocent old me.. hehe.. the time has come.. its time to get things work out as they usually before.. being innocent me not gonna worked.. follow whatever their orders.. when no means No!.. now i gonna work my own way.. where No means YES!!.. haha... its not i wanted to be this way.. but i can't keep listening, and let them give me the orders all the time!.. Im sorry mum and dad.. I love u .. but your way wasn't working for me.. im 18 years old now!.. i wanna my freedom..don't worry i ain't do it for bad.. i gonna used it to fill the things i should see and checked it out and it can't never experiences when im in 20's anymore...
I love u daddy!.. but u all are getting over my head.. and i don't like it.. im sorry.. Pls have faith in me.. and pls give me your trust,., well my teenagers life come once in a life time.. i can't afford to put it to a waste.. and i just wanna enjoy it .. I gonna do it now before its too late to turn back..
I have to fights you guys now.. two against one...i know we are in deeply financial crisis problem.. but time is ticking, i know going out is a waste of money.. but i can't afford to waste the time.. A 60 second i delayed.. its another minutes i won't get back.. Pls understand me.. I love u so much!... but that's the only way..
I m feel sad when people always say i the one that having problem when comes for outing.. Im sick and tired when i was partly the one causes the problem.. Its not easy being me.. However i know part of the reason people been ignoring me it cause im having problem going out.. im don't care much about it.. but then im getting use to it.. being left out its not a normal thing to me anymore.. i can't blame them either for not inviting me.. cause they themselves must sick and tired of my old stupid reasons.. I know people always have bad things to say about me., i don't give a damn.. as long i don't hear it with my ears.. and im happy the way i m is important.. To me in every group im in.. is better being in the middle of no where.. that's the resaon why i don't just stick to one person.. Mixed around is the best.. I gonna changed.. "Oh God Please give me faith for what im gonna do.. and pls showed me the right path.. keep me away from the path of hell.. " so that whenever or where ever im at... im know the path im in is the one is safe and right for me.. "Please give me the faith.. so i could fight for it.. Im doing it for the sake of my teens life.. please blessed me for what i wanted to do.. im doing it a gd thing,just spend time with friends before its all changed and too late for me to regain everything .. please guide me on the path im going.. Dan Insyallah aku boleh buktikan pada sahabatku2 yang aku bukan lagi penyebabnya..Amin.." <<>>
"Bismillahirahmanirahim...Ya Allah Ya TuhanKu, Aku berpinta PadaMu Mudahan2 segala perbuatan ku yang aku lakukan di perkenankan oleh Mu, Bukannya aku lakukan untuk niat yang jahat, ia sekadar hanya hiburan yang aku ingin mengisi di hari remajaku sebelum aku menyesal di hari tua ku..Aku berpinta padaMu Tuhan!, Lindungi la hambamu apabila aku di luar rumahku, and jika aku berbohong pada orang tua ku, ia bukan satu perkara yang aku sesekali ingin laku kan.. tapi ia cumer satunya2 cara buat aku untuk pergi ke tempat yang aku ingin merasainya .. aku berpinta semoga Kau Ya Allah SWT ,bibingla aku ker jalan yang benar.. and jauhkan aku ker jalan yang sesat,.. Dan kelakuan aku ini ialah satu2 nya cara untuk aku mencari kebahagian hidup ku sendiri, sesunnguhnya Kau sahajalah yang mengatahui penderitaan yang aku lalui.. Tidak sesekali aku ingin menjadi anak yang biabab dan anak yg derhaka pada orang tua..Kerana mereka tidak percayai padaku.. sebab itu aku terpaksa bebohong untuk mencari jalan keluar.. and aku cuma berpinta padamu.. lindungi la hambamu sepanjang masa.. memang cara ku agak membahaya dan agak berisiko..Ia menyedihkan aku,yang terpaksa berbohong untuk kebebasan.. tapi ia hanya satunya2 cara yang aku ada.. Puas aku cuba untuk memberi pergertian kepada mereka yang aku ingin kebebasan, tapi ia hanya sia2, demi itu aku berpinta pada mu ya Allah, untuk merahmati setiap pergerakan aku.. Insyallah ..Sesungguhnya Kau lah Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang and Maha Pengatahui..Hanya kepadaMu aku Berpinta and mengadu nasib ku...Tolongla hambamu ini, and aku mohon Kemaafan keatas semua perbuatanku..Insyallah ..Amin"
I have to admit,what im gonna to do is a big risk.. but there no other choice.. Its sad that lying is the way for freedom.. but this is the fact.., pathetic if i think again.. but that is reality.. people always get used with lies rather than the truth.. It was because different parent have different perception,Like i say before its hard being me.. for years i tried to convince my parent and tell them what i want.. its seem so hard for them to get it.. You may give me thousands of ways to say it to my parent.. when the have their own way of perception..that's where no matter what u do, its can't change their way.. so i can't change their way, i gonna change mine.. so Im damn deeply sorry.. i can't stay any more longer in your orders.. i gonna prove you that im old enough for my actions and the way of im taking care of myself.. i do really appreciate you to give me your support and give me your trust... I love you.. but then.. I really sorry..=(
Friday, January 29, 2010
Is its possible for me to move on?.. =(
I always told myself to move on in life and if possible never turn back to the past. But, no matter how hard i tried.Its hard to resist it. Almost every night i keep wondering why does things have to gone this way? And why can't i just prevent the past from happening and effect my future?..If i could prevent it i don't have to told myself to move on badly..
January 2010, is not a good starting year for me.. As i feel everything start to changing.. i wished time was like to be in 2009.. But, Unfortunately it can't. Things changed like a wind... Its like my footstep in the sand was like being washed away by the sea that hit the beach..but i beg at least for once, My joy and happiness from my past would come to me and shall bring those smiles back in many people faces...hmm.
Nana =(
January 2010, is not a good starting year for me.. As i feel everything start to changing.. i wished time was like to be in 2009.. But, Unfortunately it can't. Things changed like a wind... Its like my footstep in the sand was like being washed away by the sea that hit the beach..but i beg at least for once, My joy and happiness from my past would come to me and shall bring those smiles back in many people faces...hmm.
Nana =(
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Im trying to tell myself it all a reality, it the facts of the reality of Us..
I just want one guy, to show me that they're not the same.
I've been hurt so many time before.. but, for every girls heart that get broken..there's another guy with a glue gun..
If i wanna see the rainbow..,i gotta go through the rain
If i wanna feel love..,i gotta through the pain
Coz loving you was the best and worst mistake i ever made.., Coz u were the only guy worth drawing those silly little love hearts all over my notebook for..
Coz every girl wants to have her fairy tale,but.. don't fairy tales have happy endings?.Everyone wants that feeling of when you can't stop smiling..coz all i can think about is that guy,feeling safe knowing that someone is thinking about me all the time.., but then again nothing can last forever..even the best relationships can go wrong over night,but the best thing to do is moving on..,
Just coz things didn't work out doesn't mean I'll never love again..its just means that someone out there love me more!. Love is most likely starring him in the face, i had just been too blind to see it..
So when i see couples walking down the streets holding hands, keep my head up and smile..coz I'll never know who is round the corner,never forget my friends!,they will be right even when you don't want them to be.., Coz good friends are hard to find,harder to leave and impossible to forget!..
For every 60 seconds i spend upset,is another minute i won't get back..
As life is too short, i think is better i dance like no one is watching,sing like no one is listening and love like i have never been hurt before..
One thing for sure, mistakes are made for a reason , and i just gotta learn from them and try not to make the same ones again.
Just to remember,no guy is worth mine tears,but the one who is won't make me cry..
So i think is fair enough after holding him for long enough in my heart, its time to let him go.. he not worth for me, or either waiting for.. No matter what ways u have.. the fact is the guy i give my love, is attached.. i cant deny the facts.. i cant hide and run from it.. even though i the only one knows the pains that i been enduring all the while.. even though the word "friends" he wanted, but i knowing enough, things is complicated for me.. Even though the memories is hunting me, the facts is the facts.. u can't deny a thing.. even though he was your dream guy that u ever pray to meet from years ago... its clear i only can be friends,but the facts is i cant OWN him.. so its better u let him go.. coz the more he is here with me.. the more i can't move on, its a pain to gain.. but that the price that i have to pay.. saying gdbye to u is not what i wanted. but separated for a moment wld make me clear of everything.. 2010 is a brand new year.. so i don't wish this to be dragged in 2010 any longer.. i have to let u go.. same how i do it to other guys that i love.. its a big scarification to me, as i feel i a loser in comes of relationships..,U, yourself remember those memories.. its pain to hear it.. but again it the facts.. keep the memory of us.. coz i think that will be the last and for all.. u won't be able to contacting me now..
"alif atas I, lam mati atas love, ya depan U..i love u..hahaha"..These was ur words when i asked what u think the pic above arabic means..
Saying goodbye to u..forget me arites.. if u read this.. pls i never abandon our friendships.. but the pain is just too much, im sorry..
=( CRPLS
I've been hurt so many time before.. but, for every girls heart that get broken..there's another guy with a glue gun..
If i wanna see the rainbow..,i gotta go through the rain
If i wanna feel love..,i gotta through the pain
Coz loving you was the best and worst mistake i ever made.., Coz u were the only guy worth drawing those silly little love hearts all over my notebook for..
Coz every girl wants to have her fairy tale,but.. don't fairy tales have happy endings?.Everyone wants that feeling of when you can't stop smiling..coz all i can think about is that guy,feeling safe knowing that someone is thinking about me all the time.., but then again nothing can last forever..even the best relationships can go wrong over night,but the best thing to do is moving on..,
Just coz things didn't work out doesn't mean I'll never love again..its just means that someone out there love me more!. Love is most likely starring him in the face, i had just been too blind to see it..
So when i see couples walking down the streets holding hands, keep my head up and smile..coz I'll never know who is round the corner,never forget my friends!,they will be right even when you don't want them to be.., Coz good friends are hard to find,harder to leave and impossible to forget!..
For every 60 seconds i spend upset,is another minute i won't get back..
As life is too short, i think is better i dance like no one is watching,sing like no one is listening and love like i have never been hurt before..
One thing for sure, mistakes are made for a reason , and i just gotta learn from them and try not to make the same ones again.
Just to remember,no guy is worth mine tears,but the one who is won't make me cry..
So i think is fair enough after holding him for long enough in my heart, its time to let him go.. he not worth for me, or either waiting for.. No matter what ways u have.. the fact is the guy i give my love, is attached.. i cant deny the facts.. i cant hide and run from it.. even though i the only one knows the pains that i been enduring all the while.. even though the word "friends" he wanted, but i knowing enough, things is complicated for me.. Even though the memories is hunting me, the facts is the facts.. u can't deny a thing.. even though he was your dream guy that u ever pray to meet from years ago... its clear i only can be friends,but the facts is i cant OWN him.. so its better u let him go.. coz the more he is here with me.. the more i can't move on, its a pain to gain.. but that the price that i have to pay.. saying gdbye to u is not what i wanted. but separated for a moment wld make me clear of everything.. 2010 is a brand new year.. so i don't wish this to be dragged in 2010 any longer.. i have to let u go.. same how i do it to other guys that i love.. its a big scarification to me, as i feel i a loser in comes of relationships..,U, yourself remember those memories.. its pain to hear it.. but again it the facts.. keep the memory of us.. coz i think that will be the last and for all.. u won't be able to contacting me now..
"alif atas I, lam mati atas love, ya depan U..i love u..hahaha"..These was ur words when i asked what u think the pic above arabic means..
Saying goodbye to u..forget me arites.. if u read this.. pls i never abandon our friendships.. but the pain is just too much, im sorry..
=( CRPLS
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
2010 is a year of nightmare that i kept saw in my imaginations..=(
I have almost 1 day left (31th December 2009) tomorrow to prepare myself to say goodbye to 2009. Its sad for me to left this year, i have great up and downs for this year.
2009 is the year where i unites almost with all my friends, i always love them.., i might not describe how i love them in words,but its all in my heart, i enjoy spending my moments with them, if i conquer the time, i wanna spent with everyone like never ends..., Not to forget my 2009 ITE classmates PE0801P, even though i have a issues with my teacher, i always love him for being patience all the while with me, i still remember on 30th/--/09 i have a big quarrel with him, that's my first time being rude to a teacher.. however im proud to have MR Andrew Lim my former 2008 Class Advisor to support me, he been trying hard to push me to the end for this year, and he make me promise him to succeed till the end of the sch year, and i did!.
Not to forget 25Th October 2009, Where big arguments happened this moment never ever erase from my life, i always remember this moment caused this where we told each other to start everything back a new, and only God Knows whats happend between us all, but now deep inside my heart, i will never forget evey single of my friends scarification that they have done.. and i truly love them!...
Not to forget the Clan.. Arinah, Fifa, Mazlina, Sufian, Aidil and newly known on Arinah's birthday,Aqilah and Hana... well this clan really a outgoing clan.. i have great time with them all.. and i feel so happy while spending my time laughing with them.. and one hobby i guess in the clan wont missed out is a picture of the day whenever there outing.. hehe well hope this clan will last long and if possible forever...
Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Rufi,Faizal and others, i always love them all!, my love never been divided at all, i always wish i cld spent my whole year with everyone.. I really appreciate with the presence of them all.. thanks so much for being there and support me..
I don't know how cld i face 2010 that gonna arrive soon, whenever i saw a advertisement regarding celebration 2010, my hearts felt so scared, and in my eyes 2010 is like a nightmare, and im scared and not even excited to looking forward..Its was because 2010 is a year of separations to me, where most of my friends gonna head their owns path now.. For ITE friends, we are graduated and most of us heading somewhere else.. i feel so scared, coz i don't know who gonna by my side next year?.. ;'(, if this year i have Ian, Safri, Naufal and Shafiq as my classmates, and i have friends like Yana, Alif, Rufi and my former classmates, i don't know who gonna stay for 2010..., its like a stranger to me.. i don't know can i find a loyal,funny,crazy,irritating friend like Ian for a classmate and a partner for projects?, Safri, Naufal, and Shafiq as a friend to accompany and help out me in stuff??, I don't know.. seriously im scared.. im crying right now,cause im scared losing them... cause i never gonna find a person like them..i might take advantage of them, but deep inside i appreciate them and i love them for being there...
2010 where every persons of friends gonna go separates ways, i don't want to loose them all!, i really wanted them to be with me right here besides me.. but im afraid ,that's not things gonna be next year.. Yana might pursue to another course in another campus, Nina gonna be busy same goes to Herwani, Faizal,Eerah and the rest, Alif and Rufi i not sure. Ian gonna head for National Service (NS) Police in 4th May 2010, Aidil gonna head somewhere to continues his sad life, he always shows his happiness arnd to cheers others, but i can feel, he been suffering inside... and no ones knows.. Maz, she gonna continues her studies, Arinah, she gonna continues her studies too..Fifa gonna achiever her goals as well and my newly known friends Aqilah and Hana also have things to achieve... everyone have their own things to achieved..
However,where ever my friends was, i always support them in their Good greats goals.. and they will always be my friends no matter what, even though we're gone separates ways, i will keep their memories with me.. and bring them where ever i go.. no matter they are casual, new, old or far, even closes friends their will always be there in my heart.. I gonna missed them badly!.. ;'(, I =f they faces doubt or problem ups or downs in 2010 i really hopes they will shares it with me..and i pretty happy to be their listening ears..=(, and will inform me if they changes their numbers..
I don't know, if i continued in Higher Nitec can i find a best classmate like used to be?.., Im just too scared.. im scared the world of year 2010 would be a mean year to me.. and i scared, that nobody by side anymore.. ;'(, i don't know.. im scared..., im feel that 2010 separating me from my friends all of them!.. hm i missed them all.. pls don't separates us all.. i don't know what will i be without them... even though my family always there, i still need someone outsiders to guide me.. haix.. i dont' know for now.. i just gonna say i really wish things gonna stay as what the use to in 2009..and my friends will always stay and be there for me and us all.. i really wish that.. And most important is, i hope all of us will not changed and stay how we use to know each other.. the old them that i recognized them now.. but if they changed i gonna missed old them..
Life is changing, time is ticking, day is switching, but i hope my memories, how i use to know them, love , care, and our bonding never changes at all!... =(
I really hope 2010 is a year of bonding and gathering and not a year of separations....year or happiness, joy and fun not a year of crying sad and horrifying year.. hm =(
*LOVE U ALL..*
NaNa FaRhAnAh a.K.a NaNa PeNdEk
2009 is the year where i unites almost with all my friends, i always love them.., i might not describe how i love them in words,but its all in my heart, i enjoy spending my moments with them, if i conquer the time, i wanna spent with everyone like never ends..., Not to forget my 2009 ITE classmates PE0801P, even though i have a issues with my teacher, i always love him for being patience all the while with me, i still remember on 30th/--/09 i have a big quarrel with him, that's my first time being rude to a teacher.. however im proud to have MR Andrew Lim my former 2008 Class Advisor to support me, he been trying hard to push me to the end for this year, and he make me promise him to succeed till the end of the sch year, and i did!.
Not to forget 25Th October 2009, Where big arguments happened this moment never ever erase from my life, i always remember this moment caused this where we told each other to start everything back a new, and only God Knows whats happend between us all, but now deep inside my heart, i will never forget evey single of my friends scarification that they have done.. and i truly love them!...
Not to forget the Clan.. Arinah, Fifa, Mazlina, Sufian, Aidil and newly known on Arinah's birthday,Aqilah and Hana... well this clan really a outgoing clan.. i have great time with them all.. and i feel so happy while spending my time laughing with them.. and one hobby i guess in the clan wont missed out is a picture of the day whenever there outing.. hehe well hope this clan will last long and if possible forever...
Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Rufi,Faizal and others, i always love them all!, my love never been divided at all, i always wish i cld spent my whole year with everyone.. I really appreciate with the presence of them all.. thanks so much for being there and support me..
I don't know how cld i face 2010 that gonna arrive soon, whenever i saw a advertisement regarding celebration 2010, my hearts felt so scared, and in my eyes 2010 is like a nightmare, and im scared and not even excited to looking forward..Its was because 2010 is a year of separations to me, where most of my friends gonna head their owns path now.. For ITE friends, we are graduated and most of us heading somewhere else.. i feel so scared, coz i don't know who gonna by my side next year?.. ;'(, if this year i have Ian, Safri, Naufal and Shafiq as my classmates, and i have friends like Yana, Alif, Rufi and my former classmates, i don't know who gonna stay for 2010..., its like a stranger to me.. i don't know can i find a loyal,funny,crazy,irritating friend like Ian for a classmate and a partner for projects?, Safri, Naufal, and Shafiq as a friend to accompany and help out me in stuff??, I don't know.. seriously im scared.. im crying right now,cause im scared losing them... cause i never gonna find a person like them..i might take advantage of them, but deep inside i appreciate them and i love them for being there...
2010 where every persons of friends gonna go separates ways, i don't want to loose them all!, i really wanted them to be with me right here besides me.. but im afraid ,that's not things gonna be next year.. Yana might pursue to another course in another campus, Nina gonna be busy same goes to Herwani, Faizal,Eerah and the rest, Alif and Rufi i not sure. Ian gonna head for National Service (NS) Police in 4th May 2010, Aidil gonna head somewhere to continues his sad life, he always shows his happiness arnd to cheers others, but i can feel, he been suffering inside... and no ones knows.. Maz, she gonna continues her studies, Arinah, she gonna continues her studies too..Fifa gonna achiever her goals as well and my newly known friends Aqilah and Hana also have things to achieve... everyone have their own things to achieved..
However,where ever my friends was, i always support them in their Good greats goals.. and they will always be my friends no matter what, even though we're gone separates ways, i will keep their memories with me.. and bring them where ever i go.. no matter they are casual, new, old or far, even closes friends their will always be there in my heart.. I gonna missed them badly!.. ;'(, I =f they faces doubt or problem ups or downs in 2010 i really hopes they will shares it with me..and i pretty happy to be their listening ears..=(, and will inform me if they changes their numbers..
I don't know, if i continued in Higher Nitec can i find a best classmate like used to be?.., Im just too scared.. im scared the world of year 2010 would be a mean year to me.. and i scared, that nobody by side anymore.. ;'(, i don't know.. im scared..., im feel that 2010 separating me from my friends all of them!.. hm i missed them all.. pls don't separates us all.. i don't know what will i be without them... even though my family always there, i still need someone outsiders to guide me.. haix.. i dont' know for now.. i just gonna say i really wish things gonna stay as what the use to in 2009..and my friends will always stay and be there for me and us all.. i really wish that.. And most important is, i hope all of us will not changed and stay how we use to know each other.. the old them that i recognized them now.. but if they changed i gonna missed old them..
Life is changing, time is ticking, day is switching, but i hope my memories, how i use to know them, love , care, and our bonding never changes at all!... =(
I really hope 2010 is a year of bonding and gathering and not a year of separations....year or happiness, joy and fun not a year of crying sad and horrifying year.. hm =(
*LOVE U ALL..*
NaNa FaRhAnAh a.K.a NaNa PeNdEk
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Chaos of Ian birthday planing.. hehe =)
Now was 12.51am.. 16 December 2009!, guess what its Ian birthday.. actually i really hope that today wld be a memorable birthday for him as he going NS at 4th May 2010.. and we might unable to celebrate his birthday again, who knows we all gonna separate ways..
14 December 2009
My Actual plan is if we could celebrate his birthday at his place. Arinah give the idea of that and others agreed as well, so we go on with the plan, but without Ian knowing. so i the one that gonna talk to his mum since they say i closed to his mum, I got nervous wanna call his home cause i kind a worried if he the one that answer the phone.. however i tried and he did answered, i lied that i say i tried to contact him through hp but then network failed.. heheh =P , then while i on the phone with him, Arinah call.. so we conference together.. while in the conference.. Ian did say that he not sure whether he could make it for the outing, cause maybe his family will bring him out.. so i like acting and say"Hand the phone to your mum let me talk to her and say that i booked u for tomorrow outing." then he did pass it,then due to confused so many voices in the conference cause Fifa was in the conference as well.. Ian said " Why u didn't speak with her when she say hello?". Then i decided and i say "Then u used your hp and conference while i called your house phone" he agreed and hang up, and i rushy dialed his house number.. and yeah! his mum picked up.. i asked his mum whether they are bringing Ian out?, then i say about my plan if could we wanna celebrate Ian birthday at his place and that only happen if we have the permission of Aunt and Uncle, his mum need to discuss its over Ian Dad.. so i give his mum time to talk about it and get back to me by tomorrow around 1pm.. after i hang up, i called Arinah and joined the conversation again.. then Arinah talk to me privately before joining me with rest for conference.. then i told her everything about the plan and then she join me back in the conversation as per normal..and discussed and discussed... hehe =)
15 December 2009
I wake up at 11 or 12pm in the afternn something.. then i patiently wait till 1pm for his mum reply, and i really hope if the answer was positive, cause i hope it can,cause i can imagined the fun moment already at his place, and so that he could celebrate together with his friend and family...At 1pm i was anxiously, then i tried to called his house using my hp but then no one picked up after several's tone..then i called use my house phone which is private so if Ian picked i could just hang up without he knowing it.. but then still no one answered.. then i think maybe they going out, or maybe she go pray for Zohor.. Then it around 1.30pm and i go washed out and go out to Tampines Post Office to pay my dad bill, then i decided to called Ian when i at the post office, and he answered, so i asked " What are u doing?" the he said " i just woke up".. then i chat with him for awhile and i tried to asked "then u r alone?" He replied" Nope, my mum just come back from taking her medicine".. so that why no one answer my called.. i talk to him again with a topic .. then i suddenly say to him "By the way, what are the ingredients that your mum used to make the Marble Cake?" caused i used to eat his mum cake and i really love it.. then he say " u go called my house and asked her then".. so i hang up and called his house.. but then no one pick up after so long.. then Ian called and say wait for some minute her mum was on the phone.. then after awhile his mum called and say about the plan result.. unfortunately she can't.. caused she didn't told his dad about it due to certain family reasons.., his mum do say "don't get mad alright s Farhanah ", haha then i say " its ok", i wont forced,its ok if she can't", so i contd my conversation with his mum asked about the ingredient of the marble cake.. and after awhile.. we hang up.. then i called Ian back through his Hp..then i called Arinah and told her about the news, then we had no choice to continued the plan as the original way outing by Ian plan etc..
16 December 2009
Later that night around 8,30pm i called Arinah as she wanted me and Ian to called her and we plan at first they say we hangout at a place that i wasn't sure..then Aidil want us to join conversation and then it all like so messed up.. then blah3 cut things short.. Ian , Arinah and me get back on the conference and cracked up our head for outing places .. and then.. after Ian hangs up i called Arinah.. and tried to plan about the cake surprised.. cause Ian doesn't know about it.. then we got so messed up, at last i just told Arinah do what she things rites,... and here goes...
I really hope that the outing is a memorable birthday for Ian.. cause i really hope he would remember this birthday as the memorable birthday he ever had.. but i don't know.. i hope later we will have great day and have fun!.. and ya Mazlina (Ian ex) doesn't joined us this time round, hm due to her own valid reasons i guess .. hm however i hope Ian will have a great birthday outing, i really hope, u must be wondering why i like wanted this outing goes perfectly.. hm cause i don't know when,where and etc i can spend time with him and my friends again.. i gonna miss them. especially Ian cause he gonna be in NS.. or in Police next year. after getting our ITE results if either of us didn't make it or make it, or separate ways .. who knows he might not be the old guy i used to know., and same goes to my friends, i really hope we would have a great long friendship that never ends... not only with Arinah, Mazlina, Aidil, Sufian and Fifa and same goes the rest.. Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Rufi, and etc,, and others,,
i love u all and i wish my friendship would last long with all of u, cause my love as a friend to u all is unlimited,... haix.. i really hope i could make a memorable birthday for everyone.. but im sorry if i couldn't/ didn't make your birthday a great or memorable one, .hmm.. anyways to Ian i hope u will have a great day with us.. even though i know u wouldn't read my blog, but i hope u will not forget me as your friend alright's, cause i know i m not the kind of people you usually hang out with, but i do hope you wont changed, and same goes to Aidil and all.. i really hope.. and lastly "Mudahan2 16 December 2009, ini akan menjadi hari lahir Ian yg terindah.. and mungkin jadikan lah hari lahir nyer yg terindah yg tak akan Ian lupekan dalam hidupnye.. Insyallah Amin.. "
Gonna really hope things will go fine... =)
14 December 2009
My Actual plan is if we could celebrate his birthday at his place. Arinah give the idea of that and others agreed as well, so we go on with the plan, but without Ian knowing. so i the one that gonna talk to his mum since they say i closed to his mum, I got nervous wanna call his home cause i kind a worried if he the one that answer the phone.. however i tried and he did answered, i lied that i say i tried to contact him through hp but then network failed.. heheh =P , then while i on the phone with him, Arinah call.. so we conference together.. while in the conference.. Ian did say that he not sure whether he could make it for the outing, cause maybe his family will bring him out.. so i like acting and say"Hand the phone to your mum let me talk to her and say that i booked u for tomorrow outing." then he did pass it,then due to confused so many voices in the conference cause Fifa was in the conference as well.. Ian said " Why u didn't speak with her when she say hello?". Then i decided and i say "Then u used your hp and conference while i called your house phone" he agreed and hang up, and i rushy dialed his house number.. and yeah! his mum picked up.. i asked his mum whether they are bringing Ian out?, then i say about my plan if could we wanna celebrate Ian birthday at his place and that only happen if we have the permission of Aunt and Uncle, his mum need to discuss its over Ian Dad.. so i give his mum time to talk about it and get back to me by tomorrow around 1pm.. after i hang up, i called Arinah and joined the conversation again.. then Arinah talk to me privately before joining me with rest for conference.. then i told her everything about the plan and then she join me back in the conversation as per normal..and discussed and discussed... hehe =)
15 December 2009
I wake up at 11 or 12pm in the afternn something.. then i patiently wait till 1pm for his mum reply, and i really hope if the answer was positive, cause i hope it can,cause i can imagined the fun moment already at his place, and so that he could celebrate together with his friend and family...At 1pm i was anxiously, then i tried to called his house using my hp but then no one picked up after several's tone..then i called use my house phone which is private so if Ian picked i could just hang up without he knowing it.. but then still no one answered.. then i think maybe they going out, or maybe she go pray for Zohor.. Then it around 1.30pm and i go washed out and go out to Tampines Post Office to pay my dad bill, then i decided to called Ian when i at the post office, and he answered, so i asked " What are u doing?" the he said " i just woke up".. then i chat with him for awhile and i tried to asked "then u r alone?" He replied" Nope, my mum just come back from taking her medicine".. so that why no one answer my called.. i talk to him again with a topic .. then i suddenly say to him "By the way, what are the ingredients that your mum used to make the Marble Cake?" caused i used to eat his mum cake and i really love it.. then he say " u go called my house and asked her then".. so i hang up and called his house.. but then no one pick up after so long.. then Ian called and say wait for some minute her mum was on the phone.. then after awhile his mum called and say about the plan result.. unfortunately she can't.. caused she didn't told his dad about it due to certain family reasons.., his mum do say "don't get mad alright s Farhanah ", haha then i say " its ok", i wont forced,its ok if she can't", so i contd my conversation with his mum asked about the ingredient of the marble cake.. and after awhile.. we hang up.. then i called Ian back through his Hp..then i called Arinah and told her about the news, then we had no choice to continued the plan as the original way outing by Ian plan etc..
16 December 2009
Later that night around 8,30pm i called Arinah as she wanted me and Ian to called her and we plan at first they say we hangout at a place that i wasn't sure..then Aidil want us to join conversation and then it all like so messed up.. then blah3 cut things short.. Ian , Arinah and me get back on the conference and cracked up our head for outing places .. and then.. after Ian hangs up i called Arinah.. and tried to plan about the cake surprised.. cause Ian doesn't know about it.. then we got so messed up, at last i just told Arinah do what she things rites,... and here goes...
I really hope that the outing is a memorable birthday for Ian.. cause i really hope he would remember this birthday as the memorable birthday he ever had.. but i don't know.. i hope later we will have great day and have fun!.. and ya Mazlina (Ian ex) doesn't joined us this time round, hm due to her own valid reasons i guess .. hm however i hope Ian will have a great birthday outing, i really hope, u must be wondering why i like wanted this outing goes perfectly.. hm cause i don't know when,where and etc i can spend time with him and my friends again.. i gonna miss them. especially Ian cause he gonna be in NS.. or in Police next year. after getting our ITE results if either of us didn't make it or make it, or separate ways .. who knows he might not be the old guy i used to know., and same goes to my friends, i really hope we would have a great long friendship that never ends... not only with Arinah, Mazlina, Aidil, Sufian and Fifa and same goes the rest.. Yana,Nina,Wanie,Eerah,Alif,Rufi, and etc,, and others,,
i love u all and i wish my friendship would last long with all of u, cause my love as a friend to u all is unlimited,... haix.. i really hope i could make a memorable birthday for everyone.. but im sorry if i couldn't/ didn't make your birthday a great or memorable one, .hmm.. anyways to Ian i hope u will have a great day with us.. even though i know u wouldn't read my blog, but i hope u will not forget me as your friend alright's, cause i know i m not the kind of people you usually hang out with, but i do hope you wont changed, and same goes to Aidil and all.. i really hope.. and lastly "Mudahan2 16 December 2009, ini akan menjadi hari lahir Ian yg terindah.. and mungkin jadikan lah hari lahir nyer yg terindah yg tak akan Ian lupekan dalam hidupnye.. Insyallah Amin.. "
Gonna really hope things will go fine... =)
Nana 1.41am... =)
Monday, October 12, 2009
life and loves??.. Wld things blend?.. depends on ur STORIES...
Life... When u say the word life many things can be related to this word... its like a small thing with big conclusions ,links and etc...
Sometimes i wonder myself.. m i in other dimensions??.. sometime i feel people don't understand me at all,Family and sometime Friends.. After i lost someone really special in my heart.. i was like a blind gal in the world... haiz.. anyway no used to cry over a spilled milk isn't?..no used of me crying over the person that won't guarantees any happy that will last long for me right?..
I realize after a few incident happened to me for the past months in 2008 and 2009.. i adrift far and far away, without realizing it.. I been facing many love crisis for the past months.. and i changed slowly without knowing... its like in a dream... while its all goes just fine and exactly perfect.. things comes to change when a guy i admire and we might have the same thought together have graduated and its was like the perfect time to revealed everything on the eve on Valentines day 09..but in the end it just like the time is not for us to revealed the truth... and then then i get to know another guy.. he was so kind-heart, friendly,sweet and so called romantic guy.. unfortunately he was my dream guy... i thgt i might feel so grateful to found him.. but then others stories clashes and we left just friends.. we have sweet moment at esplanade.. we sit and... its was memorable day.. as we hug, i told him.. my feeling as we look at the cloud,.. and wonders.. but then it was the first time in my life i wasn't alone anymore... and we spent timeless moment like the time never end.. however.. someones i miss those moment i had with him..
But things have changed now.. i cant to rely hopes on the past to make my future a prefect life.. i have to wake up.. and now i totally aware love just making u drown.. and life is a story of u and people that used to fill the characters in the stories...
WE cant never wakes up in the dream of loves, cause it like unbearble for us to leave it..and awake frm it.. but if u keep drowning and sleep.. u can never see what the reality of each day trying to tell u.. =)
Nana Pendek...
Sometimes i wonder myself.. m i in other dimensions??.. sometime i feel people don't understand me at all,Family and sometime Friends.. After i lost someone really special in my heart.. i was like a blind gal in the world... haiz.. anyway no used to cry over a spilled milk isn't?..no used of me crying over the person that won't guarantees any happy that will last long for me right?..
I realize after a few incident happened to me for the past months in 2008 and 2009.. i adrift far and far away, without realizing it.. I been facing many love crisis for the past months.. and i changed slowly without knowing... its like in a dream... while its all goes just fine and exactly perfect.. things comes to change when a guy i admire and we might have the same thought together have graduated and its was like the perfect time to revealed everything on the eve on Valentines day 09..but in the end it just like the time is not for us to revealed the truth... and then then i get to know another guy.. he was so kind-heart, friendly,sweet and so called romantic guy.. unfortunately he was my dream guy... i thgt i might feel so grateful to found him.. but then others stories clashes and we left just friends.. we have sweet moment at esplanade.. we sit and... its was memorable day.. as we hug, i told him.. my feeling as we look at the cloud,.. and wonders.. but then it was the first time in my life i wasn't alone anymore... and we spent timeless moment like the time never end.. however.. someones i miss those moment i had with him..
But things have changed now.. i cant to rely hopes on the past to make my future a prefect life.. i have to wake up.. and now i totally aware love just making u drown.. and life is a story of u and people that used to fill the characters in the stories...
WE cant never wakes up in the dream of loves, cause it like unbearble for us to leave it..and awake frm it.. but if u keep drowning and sleep.. u can never see what the reality of each day trying to tell u.. =)
Nana Pendek...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Why must be egois???.. =(
Life been so s**k these days.. This morning just got scolded from dad, well i dont get it .. did i done something wrong by asking where have they been to till they reached home late in arnd morning??..If it so, im concerned ,coz my mum not feeling well so if my mum wasn't feeling well they shld headed home early so mum wld get a gd rest after a Wedding invitation.Haix..As a reward instead of compliments he scolded me.. i get so frustrated .. as everyone in this house are like "Mind your own business!"...So what the word "FAMILY" stands for??...Well im played my role a daughter and im just concerned... Seems that ppl in this house cant be asked at all.. hmm well that i better mind my own business as well.. I m much more happier ...
The thing i hated most is querraling with dad.. He like a army that will killed everyone even though sometimes you were on the right side.. He assumes every words u say is a offence.. typical parents... cant be advised..., Sometimes i the one feel guilty even though i know my intention to correct him when he was wrong..., im not trying to teaching him.. but i believe as human being you make mistakes.. he correct me when im wrong..but why does he must be go egois when im correcting his??..like i say before typical parents.. Sometimes my mum cant be bothered looking at us querralling.. She just stand and be nobody..
Even though i querreling with dad.. the most person im closed to is HIM.. Strange things work...
Even thing might not work as they shld be..sometime a querrel are another gd thing to understand "us" better.. Dad i love u so much!!!.. Your'e my soul.. i love u dad!!!.. if i wld have a boyfriend.. You are still on the top of my heart... i love u dad!!!!.. and honey (If my soon i have a bf .. U jgn jealous kae syg.. )hehehe.. daddy!!!! i LURP U!!!!!!..
The thing i hated most is querraling with dad.. He like a army that will killed everyone even though sometimes you were on the right side.. He assumes every words u say is a offence.. typical parents... cant be advised..., Sometimes i the one feel guilty even though i know my intention to correct him when he was wrong..., im not trying to teaching him.. but i believe as human being you make mistakes.. he correct me when im wrong..but why does he must be go egois when im correcting his??..like i say before typical parents.. Sometimes my mum cant be bothered looking at us querralling.. She just stand and be nobody..
Even though i querreling with dad.. the most person im closed to is HIM.. Strange things work...
Even thing might not work as they shld be..sometime a querrel are another gd thing to understand "us" better.. Dad i love u so much!!!.. Your'e my soul.. i love u dad!!!.. if i wld have a boyfriend.. You are still on the top of my heart... i love u dad!!!!.. and honey (If my soon i have a bf .. U jgn jealous kae syg.. )hehehe.. daddy!!!! i LURP U!!!!!!..
Saturday, May 16, 2009
From being so HEARTLESS.. it might lead you as well to GUILTINESS feeling unforgiving to yourself..
Today was my First day NDP Dikir Barat training...
AFter all.. im kind of excited...
Well when i we was practising.. my fren pointed me "Was that guy on the stage is Raden?"... Well im just not sure.. coz i got cock eye.. i cant regconised ppl easily.. and when ppl calling him Hamdan.. my fren pretty sure it was him.. well he was my fren God bro b4..
And now when i was practising.. and lookin at him..i think it pretty sure it was him.... when i talk about this guy u must be wondering who and what this guy got to do with me??...
This story happenned 1 yr past...
Well my fren herself introduce heim to me.. in msn..
and after awhile we kind a close..
And till one day he wanted something special in our frenship..
He confessed to me he love me.. and wanted to be with me..
But at that moment my heart was tight to a guy whch i love him..
So this guy wanted me to give him a answer.. and he really sad and keep asking me. wat so special in that guy that till i cant give him the placed.. Is not i cant.. but the guy i love was strong in my heart that time.. and im not a hypocrite.. while attached my heart was still on other guy.. and in fact i dont want to hurt his feeling.. After all i dont mean to hurt his feeling.. if i have that opportunity i wld give it all to him(raden)...
And i remmber the night he waited for my answer...
I was with my fren.. and he msg me.. something sound like this.. " Will u accept me??".. and i know my answer was a NO.. actually i wanted to know whether the guy i ws having heart on him will he give any same feeling back to me.. coz we have so called a chrismtries.. but then He(Raden) was so impatient.. i all stressed up and give up on both of this guys.. coz i need time to get it all straight and not a regretable answer.. after all happened.. i rmberd im changed..
IM changed to be a unregconised gal... im the heartless gal when i was that moment.. i nvr tried to understand ppl feeling..
but then.. he really wanted to help me.. even though he say its ok if u cant accept me.. but atleast let me help u to changed old u.. to the old Nana i know.. i ws so heartless.. i nvr give him that chances to help me.. and i rmmbred i mit him for first and last time.. he wanted to talk to me and wanted to spend his time the whole day with me n we escaped from classes... but then i disagreed..After a while he follow mine decisions for disagreed miting him.. but after awhile i decided to mit up.. but this time he dont want.. i try my best cheer him so he will mit me.. and i told him ok.. lets mit tmw.. and see whether i can bring the old Nana back..i tried( actually i wanted to look at his face to face, so that from the eye i can see whether he really being true or lieing),we set time and place then...
We mit.. and i walk a further distance frm him..then he hugs me,. from the back,.. and say.. "u pls i wont leave u".. im kind of short so its easy for him to hug..
Then we go Macdonald and talk.. he keep trying to help.. as i say i was so heartless.. then i told him i wanted to go to sch.. adn he keep holding me back.. n he grabbed my hand not to letting me go...and i keep pulling tis off him.. till i say this.. " i tak nak tgk muker u agik!"(i dont want to see ur face again!).. then he shock and asked.. "btl u tak nak tgk muker i agik?"(really? u dont want to see my face again?).. and i wasn't look to him and i say.. "yes.."even though i know i did that i wasnt look at his faced..
Iknow i was a cruel isint it?!.. but as i say i was cruel i cant think clearly.. and then he still begging.. i know im sad.. but that time i m heartless gal.. then he sing me a song.. song called "Farhanah" as we waiting for my bus to come.. then i say if u read the lyrics clearly of the song its like (farhanah)she was a bustard.. at that time i wasn't aware wat i was saying.. As my bus reached.. he still like insisting me go...but i leave him.. as he standing at the side, i can see with a heart broken feeling conquered him..
I look at him all the way and he where he was till i algined in the bus he was standing there till my bus driving out frm the interchnge.. he do msg me... and say "im lied about brging old me back..." and all sad msges.. .. till i didn't reply him the last msg..
He wanted me to deleted the song that he give me is cold.. "Pelangi Petang" whch my fav song.. and he also say he deletd my pics... and from that moment.. we forget each other already..
"Pelangi Petang" the song while we hearing together over the phone.. Then i remmberd i keep denying that the song starting was a girl.. and he keep cpnvinving me its was a guy in Malay translation i talked to him " U part nie yg nyanyi cam pompan jer u.." Raden reply " Taklah its guy lah syg"...that the part i cant forget..
But when it all past suddenly this what im feel.. i feel im HEARTLESS!!!!.. i don't even spare any chances to him... wat kind of gal im ... and now.. i feel so guilty and sad.. and dissappointed to myself....
Then kind of recently i unblocked him frm my msn.. and i begged for his apology..and he did accept my apologys... what i can say the way he chat with me kind of harsh... he changed his toned towards me.. but i dont blame him.. coz its my fault...
and i told him everything that im feeling guilty..and he forgive me.. he say he already forget it all.. hmm but now.. its effected to me.. as life have to go on... that the story...
Remember Past doesnt mean it only stay there.. but its will effected your future..so do a right decisions for yourself and ppl arnd you.. coz Your Life are effecting thiers if your decisions got to do with them..
Nana...
AFter all.. im kind of excited...
Well when i we was practising.. my fren pointed me "Was that guy on the stage is Raden?"... Well im just not sure.. coz i got cock eye.. i cant regconised ppl easily.. and when ppl calling him Hamdan.. my fren pretty sure it was him.. well he was my fren God bro b4..
And now when i was practising.. and lookin at him..i think it pretty sure it was him.... when i talk about this guy u must be wondering who and what this guy got to do with me??...
This story happenned 1 yr past...
Well my fren herself introduce heim to me.. in msn..
and after awhile we kind a close..
And till one day he wanted something special in our frenship..
He confessed to me he love me.. and wanted to be with me..
But at that moment my heart was tight to a guy whch i love him..
So this guy wanted me to give him a answer.. and he really sad and keep asking me. wat so special in that guy that till i cant give him the placed.. Is not i cant.. but the guy i love was strong in my heart that time.. and im not a hypocrite.. while attached my heart was still on other guy.. and in fact i dont want to hurt his feeling.. After all i dont mean to hurt his feeling.. if i have that opportunity i wld give it all to him(raden)...
And i remmber the night he waited for my answer...
I was with my fren.. and he msg me.. something sound like this.. " Will u accept me??".. and i know my answer was a NO.. actually i wanted to know whether the guy i ws having heart on him will he give any same feeling back to me.. coz we have so called a chrismtries.. but then He(Raden) was so impatient.. i all stressed up and give up on both of this guys.. coz i need time to get it all straight and not a regretable answer.. after all happened.. i rmberd im changed..
IM changed to be a unregconised gal... im the heartless gal when i was that moment.. i nvr tried to understand ppl feeling..
but then.. he really wanted to help me.. even though he say its ok if u cant accept me.. but atleast let me help u to changed old u.. to the old Nana i know.. i ws so heartless.. i nvr give him that chances to help me.. and i rmmbred i mit him for first and last time.. he wanted to talk to me and wanted to spend his time the whole day with me n we escaped from classes... but then i disagreed..After a while he follow mine decisions for disagreed miting him.. but after awhile i decided to mit up.. but this time he dont want.. i try my best cheer him so he will mit me.. and i told him ok.. lets mit tmw.. and see whether i can bring the old Nana back..i tried( actually i wanted to look at his face to face, so that from the eye i can see whether he really being true or lieing),we set time and place then...
We mit.. and i walk a further distance frm him..then he hugs me,. from the back,.. and say.. "u pls i wont leave u".. im kind of short so its easy for him to hug..
Then we go Macdonald and talk.. he keep trying to help.. as i say i was so heartless.. then i told him i wanted to go to sch.. adn he keep holding me back.. n he grabbed my hand not to letting me go...and i keep pulling tis off him.. till i say this.. " i tak nak tgk muker u agik!"(i dont want to see ur face again!).. then he shock and asked.. "btl u tak nak tgk muker i agik?"(really? u dont want to see my face again?).. and i wasn't look to him and i say.. "yes.."even though i know i did that i wasnt look at his faced..
Iknow i was a cruel isint it?!.. but as i say i was cruel i cant think clearly.. and then he still begging.. i know im sad.. but that time i m heartless gal.. then he sing me a song.. song called "Farhanah" as we waiting for my bus to come.. then i say if u read the lyrics clearly of the song its like (farhanah)she was a bustard.. at that time i wasn't aware wat i was saying.. As my bus reached.. he still like insisting me go...but i leave him.. as he standing at the side, i can see with a heart broken feeling conquered him..
I look at him all the way and he where he was till i algined in the bus he was standing there till my bus driving out frm the interchnge.. he do msg me... and say "im lied about brging old me back..." and all sad msges.. .. till i didn't reply him the last msg..
He wanted me to deleted the song that he give me is cold.. "Pelangi Petang" whch my fav song.. and he also say he deletd my pics... and from that moment.. we forget each other already..
"Pelangi Petang" the song while we hearing together over the phone.. Then i remmberd i keep denying that the song starting was a girl.. and he keep cpnvinving me its was a guy in Malay translation i talked to him " U part nie yg nyanyi cam pompan jer u.." Raden reply " Taklah its guy lah syg"...that the part i cant forget..
But when it all past suddenly this what im feel.. i feel im HEARTLESS!!!!.. i don't even spare any chances to him... wat kind of gal im ... and now.. i feel so guilty and sad.. and dissappointed to myself....
Then kind of recently i unblocked him frm my msn.. and i begged for his apology..and he did accept my apologys... what i can say the way he chat with me kind of harsh... he changed his toned towards me.. but i dont blame him.. coz its my fault...
and i told him everything that im feeling guilty..and he forgive me.. he say he already forget it all.. hmm but now.. its effected to me.. as life have to go on... that the story...
Remember Past doesnt mean it only stay there.. but its will effected your future..so do a right decisions for yourself and ppl arnd you.. coz Your Life are effecting thiers if your decisions got to do with them..
Nana...
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Nothing just let it go arites...
160309 is the day i know you are back.. And i been like locking myself in the prison. I know i put the hope on you but once my love have gone. but i still yearn for it.. And today 300309 night the day i get to know eveything and im happy as well abit of sad.. but atleast i know i don't owe him anything anymore.. coz last year, --/--/08. we have a great chemistry .. pls allowed ,e to keep those sweet moemnt for life.. Especially the first eye contact.. maybe we are fated not to be together...
Monday, March 30, 2009
finally i found my answers, and im closing the chapter of this Long loves..
Finally yesterday i get the answer i been waiting all these long.. For the first time i brave up myself and msg him..I not sure why yesterday i think of that.. and i pray hard to God ALLAH SWT.. i pray hard for few days past... and yesterday i really pray hard.. n finally he showed me the way.. as i pray i said.. Only he knows what good or bad for me.. and i surrender my life story upon to him..
Indeed, He showed me the way.. And i start to msg him.. at first i m kind of nervous.. but then he reply me back.. i asked whether he regconise my number, and he did with great surprised expression.. as it showed all over in his sms...
i continued smses him.. and he reply every of my msg.. and when he himself msg with give me a full of joy when he said he was wif his "ehem".. when i saw that word.. maybe most ppl shld think i wld be sad.. but it not!!.. its brings up smile to my face.. Let me explain why... So i know that i dont feel like owing him any loves.. because all the while i cant except any other guy in my mind bcoz due to him.. so now its like everything is clear enough that nothing for me to worried about anymore,.. And after that i can feel the relief in my heart bcoz i know we are not hoping ....
So its mean we werent fate for each other... And i accept that coming.. as last post i do say i forced myself to forget him.. and indeed.. i forget all the love and everything but only one thing i cant forget about him that we have its the precious little memory we used to gain... so it wasnt a difficult for me to forget him.. and now i just wanna treat him as my friend.. actually i have people that i admire.. but at last i prefer to have them as my friends rather then they keep themselves far away from me... who the person.. just let me keep it in my heart..
Hurt?
I do feel abit of sad.. and wonder.. bcoz i cant still remember the past ...
while i with my friend.. i was hangout with him.. but then his fren come... so i leave my small beg on the table.. and unfortunatley, he put his belongings on my beg... while i sit on a table that kind of facing other table.. coz im kind of embrassed to it infornt of the guys arnd.. so after im done.. i fetch myself a tissue which in my beg... and then.. i taking my beg.. while he abt to removing his belongings frm my beg.. he stared at me as i look at him as well in the eyes... and i slowly turned my faced off him.. and my heart was raced hard after that.. after that i cant stopped thinkin of him... as i was strucked by his smile which wins my heart...
we have great memories.. mgt not great for him but it is for me.. but i just wanted to keep this memories till end...
we love to play Tekken together... and we also like to joke arnd, i dont want to forget the memories.. as it cant be found anywhere or been repeated the same day,time n feelings..
IM feel so well Thanks!.. to Allah SWT...without His Guidence and showing me the door of truth maybe i wld have been hoping far than now.. atleast i know theres the end now.. I pray that he wld happy with his love.. and i also hope he have a great time .. about the past actually its still sad for me.. but i shld be gald that now my door of hearts is opened..
DO we have the same way??
Maybe i and him do have the feel love toward each other.. that we both dont know.. Its was bcoz my fren sometime keep saying abt ltr my boyfriedn scold all the thingy.. maybe he have turned or sacrifice it loved for me, and forget me.. as same goes to me.. i have guys liking me.. but for me.. i rejectted them just for him.. and maybe we have same way.. and maybe we just losed the hopes.. but however i think it cant be rewind as i guess he have throwned the memory and love far away.. and make way for others.. as for me i keep the place specially reserved for him.. but i think we both can get over it.. means we both already forgetting the past...
To all.. Loved sometimes doesnt means holding but it also sometimes about letting go...
and somtimes its better we be friends atleast u not losing him/her.. but now for me everythin have past.. i have to moved forward.. its a sad for me.. but i have to forced myself to look infornt.. and refer at the back as my dictionary of mistakes that i shldnt repeat.. Its hurt to lost him i do admit i gone thru the pains to forgetting him.. times is wat u needed.. frens is wat we want to brg up the cheers.. so closed this chapter of life.. and open new chapter tmw.. as i found my qns finally come with the answers.. and now im closing this chapter,, and shall not be think again.. it wld be only as refer so that i cld help my frens that mgt have the same situation as me..
1st thing u have to have Faith in God.. He knows what the best for us.. thats wat i do..
Kepade melayu.. percayelah terhadap Ajal,Maut dan Jodoh itu di tanganNye..
Well tc frens!!!
Indeed, He showed me the way.. And i start to msg him.. at first i m kind of nervous.. but then he reply me back.. i asked whether he regconise my number, and he did with great surprised expression.. as it showed all over in his sms...
i continued smses him.. and he reply every of my msg.. and when he himself msg with give me a full of joy when he said he was wif his "ehem".. when i saw that word.. maybe most ppl shld think i wld be sad.. but it not!!.. its brings up smile to my face.. Let me explain why... So i know that i dont feel like owing him any loves.. because all the while i cant except any other guy in my mind bcoz due to him.. so now its like everything is clear enough that nothing for me to worried about anymore,.. And after that i can feel the relief in my heart bcoz i know we are not hoping ....
So its mean we werent fate for each other... And i accept that coming.. as last post i do say i forced myself to forget him.. and indeed.. i forget all the love and everything but only one thing i cant forget about him that we have its the precious little memory we used to gain... so it wasnt a difficult for me to forget him.. and now i just wanna treat him as my friend.. actually i have people that i admire.. but at last i prefer to have them as my friends rather then they keep themselves far away from me... who the person.. just let me keep it in my heart..
Hurt?
I do feel abit of sad.. and wonder.. bcoz i cant still remember the past ...
while i with my friend.. i was hangout with him.. but then his fren come... so i leave my small beg on the table.. and unfortunatley, he put his belongings on my beg... while i sit on a table that kind of facing other table.. coz im kind of embrassed to it infornt of the guys arnd.. so after im done.. i fetch myself a tissue which in my beg... and then.. i taking my beg.. while he abt to removing his belongings frm my beg.. he stared at me as i look at him as well in the eyes... and i slowly turned my faced off him.. and my heart was raced hard after that.. after that i cant stopped thinkin of him... as i was strucked by his smile which wins my heart...
we have great memories.. mgt not great for him but it is for me.. but i just wanted to keep this memories till end...
we love to play Tekken together... and we also like to joke arnd, i dont want to forget the memories.. as it cant be found anywhere or been repeated the same day,time n feelings..
IM feel so well Thanks!.. to Allah SWT...without His Guidence and showing me the door of truth maybe i wld have been hoping far than now.. atleast i know theres the end now.. I pray that he wld happy with his love.. and i also hope he have a great time .. about the past actually its still sad for me.. but i shld be gald that now my door of hearts is opened..
DO we have the same way??
Maybe i and him do have the feel love toward each other.. that we both dont know.. Its was bcoz my fren sometime keep saying abt ltr my boyfriedn scold all the thingy.. maybe he have turned or sacrifice it loved for me, and forget me.. as same goes to me.. i have guys liking me.. but for me.. i rejectted them just for him.. and maybe we have same way.. and maybe we just losed the hopes.. but however i think it cant be rewind as i guess he have throwned the memory and love far away.. and make way for others.. as for me i keep the place specially reserved for him.. but i think we both can get over it.. means we both already forgetting the past...
To all.. Loved sometimes doesnt means holding but it also sometimes about letting go...
and somtimes its better we be friends atleast u not losing him/her.. but now for me everythin have past.. i have to moved forward.. its a sad for me.. but i have to forced myself to look infornt.. and refer at the back as my dictionary of mistakes that i shldnt repeat.. Its hurt to lost him i do admit i gone thru the pains to forgetting him.. times is wat u needed.. frens is wat we want to brg up the cheers.. so closed this chapter of life.. and open new chapter tmw.. as i found my qns finally come with the answers.. and now im closing this chapter,, and shall not be think again.. it wld be only as refer so that i cld help my frens that mgt have the same situation as me..
1st thing u have to have Faith in God.. He knows what the best for us.. thats wat i do..
Kepade melayu.. percayelah terhadap Ajal,Maut dan Jodoh itu di tanganNye..
Well tc frens!!!
Monday, March 23, 2009
24th March 09..... wishes...will it come true??
There nothing could be done to save the memories as the pole i used to hold on have been rusted in time,which no longer be there to hold it strong. Nothing left but hopes which all shuttered. Pls give me the courage to continued my life, as nothing left for me to hold on in this word of LOVE..
In the dreamt we were given the opportunity to confess our feeling... But in the dream the words are kept repeating over and over again.. and then u vanished.. For me now.. its sad that all of myfeeling towards u cant be saved.. i tried to hold where ever i can.. but then its too late... i have thrown all the memories we had with u in the ocean in my heart...even now nothing i cld hold..
My love and heart toward u before its all gone.. i guess its too late to turn over everything... I yearned for true love..but i guess it wasnt for me.. i been waiting... and tring to stand up straight... I tried to find all the love and memeories we had before. but its hard for me to look at it back.. as i alraedy cried badly o letting it all go of my mind and my life... Now i realsied.. when the thing we wanted the most it wont come.. but when we thrown it away it start to came back..
SYAFIQ... i cant cried as no more tears i hold after the last thing i did which i think it benefits for us... But it was a big mistake...Today is 23rd March 09 which tmw will be my birthday... I should be happy and excited as i know 18 is wat i been waiting for.. but then it dont seem wat i waiting for all the while.. Syafiq i alwaes pray hard.. but then now all of the feeling have gone.. how can i revealed everything back?... Theres nothing...i pray hard my birthday wishes will come true...
In the dreamt we were given the opportunity to confess our feeling... But in the dream the words are kept repeating over and over again.. and then u vanished.. For me now.. its sad that all of myfeeling towards u cant be saved.. i tried to hold where ever i can.. but then its too late... i have thrown all the memories we had with u in the ocean in my heart...even now nothing i cld hold..
My love and heart toward u before its all gone.. i guess its too late to turn over everything... I yearned for true love..but i guess it wasnt for me.. i been waiting... and tring to stand up straight... I tried to find all the love and memeories we had before. but its hard for me to look at it back.. as i alraedy cried badly o letting it all go of my mind and my life... Now i realsied.. when the thing we wanted the most it wont come.. but when we thrown it away it start to came back..
SYAFIQ... i cant cried as no more tears i hold after the last thing i did which i think it benefits for us... But it was a big mistake...Today is 23rd March 09 which tmw will be my birthday... I should be happy and excited as i know 18 is wat i been waiting for.. but then it dont seem wat i waiting for all the while.. Syafiq i alwaes pray hard.. but then now all of the feeling have gone.. how can i revealed everything back?... Theres nothing...i pray hard my birthday wishes will come true...
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Forgeting u it not i intend to do..
ello...
i guess after today or tmw.. we might not seeing each other again, as i heard form many students that tmw will be a graduation day..
I saw at escalator goin to swimming pool area.. and i tired to called and make conversation to u.. but i guess, i wasnt able to catched u.. i admit.. i kept this feeling abt u... I love u..,
i tried a few times.. but today was abt the day.. but suddenly its like i got the feeling telling me not to turned back to sch.. as after that i go out ...
but as i walked with my friends my heart cant bear the pain of tears cryin out.. and now i cried badly...
THE MEMORIES
* Even though there wasnt much we spent time together,..
But i still rember..
* The first met...
* When i was sitting down with my friend WC.. while waiting for u and ur friends.. after awhile u came and i was eating.. and i left my bag on the table u put ur belonging on my bag.. as i wanted to take my stuff.. u looked me in the eyes...
* and same goes during a teambuilding when it over i saw u... and there once more u satrae d me in the eyes..
* And during in the pool... we joke arnd by multiplaying games in psp.. and we intend to have another match again. but it wasnt..
* U came when i was playing pool with my friends and i was alone standing.. u and i was like tryin to make a conversation, i freshed in my mind u asked me " how many u have won today?"(roughly) and i take a themes of billabong in ur hp to my W910i..
* When i and friends come to Swimming pool.. go swim and u approuched me.. and asked for something.. and i saw u swimming welled..
* There time in pool u talking to me "what m i doing?" while u pass thru after booking tables for ur frens..
* ANd u hurt me most when i saw u and WC.. the first thing u say out to me is.. "where is your boyfriend?" , if u wasnt realize my heart cant accpet any other guy rather than only u... it hurt me when u say that way... i admit u saw me mixed with many guys.. but they wasnt as special as i know u..
* and more sitting wih u ,chatting with u, laughing with u.. and more..
* and I saw u when i peeking looking u in the swimming pool..
and today the last if we werent meeting again!...
..
I just wanted u to know that if after today i wont be mittingu again..
i will clipped all the memories we had, to the bottemless in my heart..
bcoz u the FIRST guy i ever loved ..and it reaally hard for me to forget u...
I put all the faith in God.. , i believed in Him ... I believe he knows what the best for me as welled for u... I have to fight all the emotions.. but i admit i cant!!.
im not gibing up.. but i cant just stay loveing u and yearned for u while there no end to it!... i cant keep rejecting guys that wanted to eneter to my life and making me happy.. because my happiness in ur hands...
i guess if u go.. i have to let this memories or lloved i carried the burden these days off...
i just hope the memories will died with u in my heart!.. i admit u r the guy for me.. there wasnt more nor nothing less in u that wat i searching for in a guy ...but i guess u wont be mine.. afterall..
I wish all lovers happy valentines day...
I lost mines..which it wont be back....
which will died with my bottomless cryness heart...
as for me i will celebrates Valentines alone means crying in my heart alone...
I wanted u to know forgeting u is not i wanted to do, but i cant contd my life if the memories of u in my minds.. and i cant accpet other guy.., i cant stand when looking deep to the memories path we had before..
and i just ur name will fade slowly as it will peeled off my skin of heart piece by piece and it hurts when ur images in my mind fading..
IT pain.. but i left with no choice.. i i have the choiced i wanted to keep all of it.. but i cant....
SYAFIQ.....
Nana..
i guess after today or tmw.. we might not seeing each other again, as i heard form many students that tmw will be a graduation day..
I saw at escalator goin to swimming pool area.. and i tired to called and make conversation to u.. but i guess, i wasnt able to catched u.. i admit.. i kept this feeling abt u... I love u..,
i tried a few times.. but today was abt the day.. but suddenly its like i got the feeling telling me not to turned back to sch.. as after that i go out ...
but as i walked with my friends my heart cant bear the pain of tears cryin out.. and now i cried badly...
THE MEMORIES
* Even though there wasnt much we spent time together,..
But i still rember..
* The first met...
* When i was sitting down with my friend WC.. while waiting for u and ur friends.. after awhile u came and i was eating.. and i left my bag on the table u put ur belonging on my bag.. as i wanted to take my stuff.. u looked me in the eyes...
* and same goes during a teambuilding when it over i saw u... and there once more u satrae d me in the eyes..
* And during in the pool... we joke arnd by multiplaying games in psp.. and we intend to have another match again. but it wasnt..
* U came when i was playing pool with my friends and i was alone standing.. u and i was like tryin to make a conversation, i freshed in my mind u asked me " how many u have won today?"(roughly) and i take a themes of billabong in ur hp to my W910i..
* When i and friends come to Swimming pool.. go swim and u approuched me.. and asked for something.. and i saw u swimming welled..
* There time in pool u talking to me "what m i doing?" while u pass thru after booking tables for ur frens..
* ANd u hurt me most when i saw u and WC.. the first thing u say out to me is.. "where is your boyfriend?" , if u wasnt realize my heart cant accpet any other guy rather than only u... it hurt me when u say that way... i admit u saw me mixed with many guys.. but they wasnt as special as i know u..
* and more sitting wih u ,chatting with u, laughing with u.. and more..
* and I saw u when i peeking looking u in the swimming pool..
and today the last if we werent meeting again!...
..
I just wanted u to know that if after today i wont be mittingu again..
i will clipped all the memories we had, to the bottemless in my heart..
bcoz u the FIRST guy i ever loved ..and it reaally hard for me to forget u...
I put all the faith in God.. , i believed in Him ... I believe he knows what the best for me as welled for u... I have to fight all the emotions.. but i admit i cant!!.
im not gibing up.. but i cant just stay loveing u and yearned for u while there no end to it!... i cant keep rejecting guys that wanted to eneter to my life and making me happy.. because my happiness in ur hands...
i guess if u go.. i have to let this memories or lloved i carried the burden these days off...
i just hope the memories will died with u in my heart!.. i admit u r the guy for me.. there wasnt more nor nothing less in u that wat i searching for in a guy ...but i guess u wont be mine.. afterall..
I wish all lovers happy valentines day...
I lost mines..which it wont be back....
which will died with my bottomless cryness heart...
as for me i will celebrates Valentines alone means crying in my heart alone...
I wanted u to know forgeting u is not i wanted to do, but i cant contd my life if the memories of u in my minds.. and i cant accpet other guy.., i cant stand when looking deep to the memories path we had before..
and i just ur name will fade slowly as it will peeled off my skin of heart piece by piece and it hurts when ur images in my mind fading..
IT pain.. but i left with no choice.. i i have the choiced i wanted to keep all of it.. but i cant....
SYAFIQ.....
Nana..
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Did they ever hear it?,
Im sorry, it the last words i cld say to my (special persons).. i can't turn back to ur old girl that u used to know..
i dont mean to be wat u dont want me to be (dedicated to special person).. but U didint give me your attention since i was very young.. i was left kept left alone.. and dont get enough of your loves..
You dun even brg me the place i alwaes wanted to go..and till i grow up.. i find my way there alone.. and i managed to be the placed i yearned for yrs.
You left me cried alone.. and i been fightin all those feelin..
Do u ever know that ppl bullying me?,
Do you know that ppl are making fun of me?..,
Do you know that they make me be the smallest girl by hurting me with thier insulting words?,,
Do you know ppl take advanatage of me?... ,
Do you know i alwaes want your care??,
Do you know i want ur love and concerned??
Do you know i was the middle person with no one?
Do you know that slowly im changed?,
Do you know slowly of im changed due to lost of ur loves and attention?,...
Do u know that i been being this way due to my anger and sadness in me?..
and importantly..
DO U EVR WANT TO HEAR MY WORDS??...
U been letting me crying alone..
I know u are hurt with my way now.. but im sorry , i been hurts yrs ago....
I cried in me.. where only my hearts listened to it.. nobody else..
If only u wld listened.. i wont turn up this way..and you wont be asking why i m this way.. but too bad, u let it all go..
Im sorry.. that the word i cld say...
<<>>
Nana
i dont mean to be wat u dont want me to be (dedicated to special person).. but U didint give me your attention since i was very young.. i was left kept left alone.. and dont get enough of your loves..
You dun even brg me the place i alwaes wanted to go..and till i grow up.. i find my way there alone.. and i managed to be the placed i yearned for yrs.
You left me cried alone.. and i been fightin all those feelin..
Do u ever know that ppl bullying me?,
Do you know that ppl are making fun of me?..,
Do you know that they make me be the smallest girl by hurting me with thier insulting words?,,
Do you know ppl take advanatage of me?... ,
Do you know i alwaes want your care??,
Do you know i want ur love and concerned??
Do you know i was the middle person with no one?
Do you know that slowly im changed?,
Do you know slowly of im changed due to lost of ur loves and attention?,...
Do u know that i been being this way due to my anger and sadness in me?..
and importantly..
DO U EVR WANT TO HEAR MY WORDS??...
U been letting me crying alone..
I know u are hurt with my way now.. but im sorry , i been hurts yrs ago....
I cried in me.. where only my hearts listened to it.. nobody else..
If only u wld listened.. i wont turn up this way..and you wont be asking why i m this way.. but too bad, u let it all go..
Im sorry.. that the word i cld say...
<<>>
Nana
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